Nolte: Incredible Shrinking Washington Post Shrinks by 240 More Staffers

The failing, far-left Washington Post has just cut 120 jobs through buyouts and promised layoffs will commence if 120 more liars, I mean staffers, do not accept buyouts.

In a memo to liars, I mean staffers, Washington Post CEO Patty Stonesifer said, “We want everyone to understand that we need 240 acceptances to help restore The Post’s financial health. We have made the decision,” she added, “that if we fall short of this goal, to implement involuntary layoffs.”

“The layoffs,” she warned, would offer “significantly less generous benefits than the voluntary package.”

According to the far-left New York Times, the far-left Washington Post is on track to lose $100 million in 2023. This is primarily due to a collapse in digital subscriptions.

I would argue that it’s primarily due to this…

• Russia Collusion Hoax
• Hands Up, Don’t Shoot Hoax
• Jussie Smollett Hoax
• Covington KKKids Hoax
• Very Fine People Hoax
• Seven-Hour Gap Hoax
• Global Warming Hoax
• Russian Bounties Hoax
• Trump Trashes Troops Hoax
• Policemen Killed at Mostly Peaceful January 6 Protest Hoax
• Rittenhouse Hoax
• Eating While Black Hoax
• Border Agents Whipping Illegals Hoax
• NASCAR Noose Hoax
• The Georgia Jim Crow 2.0 Hoax
• Trump Assaulted Secret Service Agents and Grabbed Steering Wheel of Beast Hoax
• MAGA Assaulted Paul Pelosi Hoax
• COVID Lab Leak Theory Is Racist Hoax
• Hunter Biden’s Laptop Is Russian Disinformation Hoax
• Joe Biden Will Never Ban Gas Stoves Hoax
• COVID Deaths are Over-Counted Is a Conspiracy Theory Hoax
• Mass Graves of Native Children in Canada Hoax
• The Trump Killed All the Fish Hoax
• Hamas Hospital Hoax
• John Fetterman Is Healthy Hoax
• If Reelected, Trump Will Execute People Hoax
• The Alfa Bank Hoax

…but what the hell do I know?

Per the always-upset Washington Post Guild, this loss of 240 liars, I mean staffers, represents ten percent of the Post’s overall staff. The Guild also doesn’t understand why the Post, which is owned by “one of the richest people in the world,” needs to lay people off. Maybe it’s just to make me happy? Or maybe the Post’s owner, Amazon’s Jeff Bezos, bought a newspaper and not a daycare center for crybaby liars that will cost him $100 million a year to subsidize?

I’m just thinking out loud here.

Now, because it is the holiday season, I do want to assure these laid-off staffers that no one wishes them anything but the best in the future. From my family to yours, click here, and godspeed as you enjoy and enter what many of your colleagues call “funemployment” (but only when a Democrat is president).

One last piece of advice: When you carry your box of stuff out to your Prius, make sure to bring along some bodyguards. The Democrats you idiots vote for have turned Washington, DC, into a hellscape, and as much as you want to see people like me physically hurt, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

By the way, Breitbart is hiring. We won’t hire you because you lie. I just wanted to rub that in. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass.

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