An insane House Speaker’s race and a full-blown war in the Middle East did nothing to save disgraced CNN’s humiliation in the ratings.

Tee hee.

It’s been a week of news, unlike any week of news I can remember in some time. The race to see who will become Speaker of the House had more twists, turns, stops, starts, ups, downs, zigs, and zags than anyone would believe in a fiction novel. (By the way: I wrote one of those, it’s getting great reviews, and you should read it.) Stuff like the Speaker’s drama used to be CNN’s bread and butter — a crazy political story racing towards an unexpected finish.

House Republicans applaud as U.S. Rep. Mike Johnson (R-LA) (C) is elected the new Speaker of the House at the U.S. Capitol on October 25, 2023, in Washington, DC. (Alex Wong/Getty Images)

Speaking of bread and butter, over 30 years ago, a war in the Middle East made CNN CNN. Remember when President Bush went to war with Iraq and didn’t finish the job? For clarity, I mean our first President Bush, our first war with Iraq, and the first time we didn’t finish the job. That first time was when CNN became a respected, national, go-to news network for all things breaking news.

Oh, brother, are those days over! Because…

Here we are again… a massive war in the Middle East that will hopefully end with a righteous Israel victorious against Hamas and its bloodthirsty ideology. Yet, throughout last week, CNN could attract an average of only 687,000 primetime viewers.

Throughout the total day, CNN attracted only 631,000 viewers.

For comparison, during that same week, Fox News averaged nearly four times as many primetime viewers: 2.209 million.

Even MSNBC doubled CNN: 1.29 million.

What? You mean no one wants to watch Hamas Hospital Hoaxer Jake Tapper run around Israel in a flak jacket telling lies? Gee, that feels like Must-See TV to me.

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I try to be upfront about things, so I’ll admit to being surprised by these numbers. With everything going on, just out of habit, I expected CNN to attract at least a million average primetime viewers. Seriously, there was a lot of news last week. There’s a war. But no one tuned in. That’s how discredited CNN is. Even during a major war and a crazy Speaker’s race, it is broadcasting into a black hole.

Even more interesting is that CNN lost viewers from the previous week, a 15 percent drop. That’s nuts. Just as things heated up in the Speaker’s race and the Middle East, fifteen percent of CNNLOL viewers fled. Yes, Fox News also lost viewers, but it was only a two percent drop, and when you’re attracting the massive viewership Fox attracts, two percent is a rounding error. I’m no Fox News fan. I hate cable news, everything about it, but it is what it is.

CNN is doomed… CNN is so discredited and universally despised, not even a war — a war! — can lift its ratings out of humiliation.

If anyone’s wondering why…

Watching the Disney Grooming Institute and CNNLOL crash and burn is straight-up glorious. Democrat-run cities are imploding… Life is good. Life is beautiful. And it’s almost Friday.

John Nolte’s debut novel Borrowed Time (Bombardier Books) is available today. You can read an exclusive excerpt here and a review of the novel here.