Why We're Bidding for Sandra Fluke's Strategy Session

We’ve been found out.

Yes, Breitbart News editor-in-chief Joel Pollak is one of the top bidders for an hour-long “strategy session” with Obama campaign operative Sandra Fluke at BiddingForGood.com.

Fluke, who rose to prominence advocating for government to force private institutions to pay for coverage of birth control which they oppose on religious grounds, is auctioning an hour of her time to any like-minded “social justice advocate” who would like some help achieving progress on his or her own pet issue. 

“Sandra Fluke will help you harness the power of activism and/or advocacy with this strategy session,” the auction page reads. “You bring the expertise on your issue, and Sandra will bring her sharp strategic mind and national experience.”

As advocates of individual liberty and activists against government corruption, we here at Breitbart News would love to tap into the wealth of knowledge Ms. Fluke gained during her time as a surrogate in the successful reelection bid of Barack Obama. Her experience could be essential as we seek to empower American citizens being held down by a massive, venal power structure–let’s call it a corporation, of sorts–that hasn’t held itself accountable for any of the people’s grievances.

This is a power structure which has facilitated greater wealth inequality than any point in the nation’s history, putting more people on food stamps than ever to the financial benefit of giant banks. Her background in social justice should be perfect for breaking up this racket.

The men at the top of this power structure have expressed a desire to increase the prices of utilities and fuel for the common citizen. They’ve already achieved these results and have rejected projects with shovel-ready jobs that could stem the tide of these rising prices. Ms. Fluke has fought the system before at Georgetown Law Center, railing against the institution’s refusal to help students out with necessities. We’re certain her expertise there would translate perfectly to our cause. 

And Ms. Fluke is a champion for women and minorities, so we know she won’t pass up our request for advice fighting a system that has created disproportionately high unemployment for blacks and whose male leader pays women 18% less than men in his employ.

We at Breitbart News hope to make the winning bid for Ms. Fluke’s strategy session, because we believe she is the very woman we need for guidance in this dire situation. We hope Ms. Fluke appreciates the opportunity to stand up for the oppressed and against the corrupt leaders keeping them down.