Ferlinghetti Isn't the Only One Waiting

I am waiting for Ezra Klein

to eat a copy of the Constitution

and tell us if it’s binding

and I am waiting

for 60 Minutes to wind down

and I am waiting

for a presidential debate moderator

to crack wise with Chris Christie

and I am waiting

for Old Media

to request end-of-life counseling

and I am really waiting

for the Associated Press

to screw up and forget to spin a story

I am waiting for Nova

to report a major extinction event

involving NPR and PBS

and I am waiting

for Charlie Gibson’s glasses

to fall off his nose

and I am waiting

for someone to interrupt Bill O’Reilly

and I am waiting for Saudi Arabia

to endow the “Al Jazeera Chair”

at Columbia University School of Journalism

and I am really waiting

for Katie Couric to connect the dots

on rising fuel costs

I am waiting for Brian Williams

to differentiate between

profit and profit margin

and I am waiting for Rachel Maddow

to interview Dennis Miller

and I am waiting

for Bob Beckel

to join an anger management group

and I am waiting for Eliot Spitzer

to make a pass at Kathleen Parker

on air

and I am waiting

for George Will and Charles Krauthammer

to appear on the same panel

and disagree

and I am really waiting

for Robert Gibbs to be embarrassed

I am waiting for Helen Thomas

to lie down in front of an Israeli tank

and smirk

and I am waiting

for Iowahawk and Scott Ott

to share a Pulitzer prize for political harpooning

and I am waiting for Ray Suarez

to schedule his next surgery in Cuba

and I am waiting for This Week

to be duller next week

than it was last week

and I am really waiting

for the new Eric Sevareid

to emerge at CBS

I am waiting for Paul Krugman and Frank Rich

to stop mailing it in

and I am waiting for Eric Holder

to utter the words “administration of cowards”

at a news conference

and I am waiting for the FCC

to monitor thought waves

and I am waiting for

the New York Times

to offer new subscribers lunch with Maureen Dowd

at the Four Seasons

and I am eagerly waiting for liberalism

to be classified as a delusional disorder

in DSM-V

I am waiting for Dan Rather

to become easier to swallow

than a ripe habanero chili pepper

and I am waiting

for the Washington Post

to shill for a Republican candidate

and I am waiting for Breitbart’s exposé of Pigford

to bubble up into Matt Lauer’s field of vision

and I am waiting for Oprah

to choose Rules for Radical Conservatives

for her book club

and I am really, really waiting

for more Americans to realize

what an extraordinary human being Tony Snow was

Acknowledgement: “I Am Waiting” by Lawrence Ferlinghetti

from A Coney Island of the Mind (1958)