KATIE COURIC: We’ve never been used this way before. The White House called the other day and gave me a list of 2012 election night analysts acceptable to them. I don’t like it.
BRIAN WILLIAMS: Remember when it was collaborative? Now, they don’t even trust us to spin anything correctly. Zucker took away my Managing Editor title and assigned it to Chris Matthews. And he reports to Gibbs.
DIANE SAWYER: Wasn’t so long ago they rolled over in the morning and kissed us and said they still respected us. Now, well. I hate to say it, but the right is right: Obama’s an egocentric narcissist who doesn’t know he’s in over his head.
WOLF BLITZER: I’ve come to realize the president’s a bully at home and a cupcake abroad. I’m tired of sucking up to him.
JIM LEHRER: [PBS NewsHour] Same here. Look, we’re all progressives, but it’s way past time we put patriotism before ideology and journalistic integrity before bootlicking. So, what do we do?
COURIC: We get our reputations back. Instead of shaping the news on our evening broadcasts and specials, we start reporting it and let the chips fall.
WILLIAMS: Yes, like Bret Baier does on Fox News and Hume before him. I’m in. I have a live interview with the president when he returns from his trip. I’ll ask why he took half Washington’s population on his Asian sojourn.
COURIC: Watch your back, Brian. You’ve got an unstable Olbermann fresh from suspension just down the hall from you. Start tagging Obama and, well, let’s just say I wouldn’t go to the restroom without an escort. Diane?
SAWYER: I’ll do a 20/20 segment on “All the President’s Men.” First up: Axelrod and his honorary membership in Russia’s Politburo.
Another thing: ABC did Breitbart wrong when they withdrew their invitation to him. I’m on The View next Thursday to talk about the elections. I’ll invite Andrew to come along as my companion. After everybody walks off the set except Hasselbeck, he can say whatever he was going to before the AB Calumniators went to work.
BLITZER: I know three House Democrats who were waterboarded by Emanuel until they promised to vote “yes” on the health care reform bill. All three lost their seats and are mad as hell. I’ll interview them on The Situation Room.
COURIC: Biden’s my guest on 60 Minutes this week. He gets the Sarah Palin treatment. Jim, what about you?
LEHRER: Hmm. I’ll assemble a panel of experts to explain the role of mortgage derivatives in the . . . .
ALL: Jim!
LEHRER: All right, all right. Barney Frank is scheduled to come on next week to discuss his new role as Ranking Member of the House Financial Services Committee. Instead, I’ll lead with the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac debacle and trap him into going toe to toe with surprise guest Paul Ryan over who’s to blame.
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SAWYER: Ryan’s a tough cookie, Jim, but Barney will cut him off whenever Ryan starts to hit home.
LEHRER: No problem. Frank will be on a satellite feed. He gets his say, and when it’s Ryan’s turn, we’ll turn Barney’s mike off. He’ll interrupt and filibuster into dead air while Ryan takes chunks out of him.
WILLIAMS: Just reflecting a little. Back in 2007 when Bush was still president, I slipped up one day and said publicly that good news is not news. Those were the days when we thought there was no higher calling for a journalist than to keep Bush’s poll numbers down.
BLITZER: So Obama gets in and we spend almost two years operating on the principle that bad news is not news in order to keep Obama’s numbers up. Ladies and gentlemen, we have been flaming hypocrites for a long time. We need to make amends.
COURIC: Join hands. Let’s remember what Benjamin Franklin wrote in 1776: “We must, indeed, all hang together, or most assuredly we shall all hang separately.”
[Williams’ cell rings]
WILLIAMS: Hello. Starting when? Who? Zucker! Figures. Thanks, Bill. [hangs up] That was one of my sources in the upper echelons. They must have gotten wind about this meeting. Beginning Wednesday, NBC Nightly News is on a two minute tape-delay.
[Lehrer’s cell rings]
LEHRER: [looks at caller ID] Damn! Vivian Schiller. It begins.
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