ROBERT GIBBS: One announcement before I begin today’s briefing, people: new rules starting tomorrow. One question per correspondent, questions to be submitted a week in advance, no follow-ups. I want a new tone from you folks. From now on, dis me and I’ll come down on you like ten tall buildings. Ok, Madeleine, I’ll start with you today.
HELEN THOMAS: It’s Helen Thomas, Norbert. Will ACORN goons eject us if we ask something embarrassing?
GIBBS: No! And that question offends me. Security! Escort Ms. Albright to the time-out room. Jack?
JAKE TAPPER: Uh, Jake. Bob, the men dragging Helen out are wearing SEIU tees. What’s up with that?
GIBBS: Volunteers. Ordinary people giving back to their country. Captain?
MAJOR GARRETT: It’s Major, Bob. If questions have to be submitted a week in advance starting tomorrow, what will we do in the interim?
GIBBS: Glad you asked. We’re conducting mandatory in-service seminars for White House correspondents, with topics such as, “Don’t Ask, ‘Cause I Won’t Tell” and “Innocuous Briefing Questions for Dummies.” Let’s wrap up. Um, you there. Mick.
MARK KNOLLER: Mark. Bob, did Attorney General Holder tell the President he would personally mirandize Osama bin Laden’s dead body?
GIBBS: Eric Holder has a difficult job and we should all be grateful for his efforts to go wherever the truth leads.
KNOLLER: But, has AG Holder ever talked with the President, or anyone in the White House, about what he would do if we had bin Laden in our sights?
GIBBS: The President talks with many people every day about a variety of things.
KNOLLER: Bob, you haven’t . . . .
GIBBS: You’re beating this into the ground, Mick. I’ve answered the question. All right, last one. Markos?
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