PETA isn’t happy with the “unrealistic” depiction of milking in the Nintendo Switch minigame collection 1-2 Switch.
If you’re milking a transparent cartoon udder in Nintendo’s 1-2 Switch, you’re doing it wrong. This, according to the angry ball of atonal sarcasm, explicit animal murder footage, and weird porn that is our beloved PETA.
Yes, the people who told you that milk will make you autistic and compared rape victims to livestock are back, turning their sights from saving imaginary hellbeasts and Cuban lettuce sex-ploitation to a far more important issue: A single 30-second minigame on a middling launch title for Nintendo’s new console.
In a March 30 blog post, PETA’s Zachary Toliver asserts that “Milk,” the minigame in question, is “far from reality.” It’s a bold assertion, considering the obvious attention to detail in the disembodied udder squeezing simulation.
“Staffers and activists … realized that [Nintendo] had taken all the cruelty out of the process,” when playing. In response, PETA President Ingrid Newkirk has written a letter to the video game company with suggestions on how to improve the title’s accuracy. Suggestions include “rape racks” for the “violent insemination of female cows,” and the addition of a heifer’s bellowing to the soundtrack.
It may seem like a grim turn for a game which, at its most violent, depicts a samurai being “conked on the head.” But that’s what Nintendo gets for accepting a “Cow Milking Challenge” from the unabashedly evil Billings Farm & Museum in Vermont. As soon as next Friday, Billings will be hosting one of their many heinous gatherings.
No decent person wants animals to be treated cruelly. And the only way to stop it is by stopping it where it starts: In the home, waggling your joy-con with grandma. We can’t let this be our future.
Fight the good fight, PETA.
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