Redmond: Pinehurst Post Mortem: The Wrong Guy Won

The wrong man won the U.S. Open.

Bryson is a somewhat likable goof, but the golf world and polite society needed Rory to win this tournament. The Barstool Bros, who comprise a large majority of Bryson’s fan base, are obnoxious, drunk, and rude.

Not all, but enough.

F word this F word that, Let’s go! High Noons, etc. Finally, I’d had enough and confronted one of the F bombers, and he said, “Sorry, sir,” real sarcastic. I was this close to getting in his face and being one of the first victims of white mob violence since Howard Beach.

Nothing happened, though, as I wanted to keep my press credentials. But let me take this opportunity to tell the loudmouth in the “I Got That Dog In Me” t-shirt standing by the 11th green on Saturday that you were mere inches away from the pummeling of a lifetime (until your buddies jumped in and had me hospitalized). It would have been worth it, though. I’m quite sure. Do these Barstool weirdos really revere that degenerate Dave Portnoy? What a mess. The chants of USA were dumb because Bryson spurned the USA when he took Saudi money to play at LIV and left America’s PGA Tour. I can’t really blame him, though, and he was treated unkindly by many of his (new) fans not two years ago when they sided with Brooks in their feud. It’s all a bit confusing. But all credit to Bryson. He got a little lucky with his lies in the native areas, but when the pressure was on, he came up with one of the most clutch golf shots of all time. The 55-yard sand shot out of the bunker goes up there with Tiger’s putt on 18 at Torrey Pines and Tom Watson’s chip-in on 17 at Pebble Beach as the greatest in U.S. Open history—all Hail Bryson – conqueror of Pinehurst.

Rory McIlroy has more pressure on him at major championships than any athlete in the world. Yes, he gagged at the end. It’s likely he will never recover from this. The media is trying to drag him for leaving in a rush afterward. Can you blame him? What’s there to say? “Yes, I choked and let a LIV golf greedy weirdo win the most prestigious trophy in the game. Sorry.”

He’s given countless interviews after bad rounds, so he should more than get a pass for skipping out on this one. It’s best if Rory tries to forget this ever happened. Maybe he can get some cognitive behavior therapy that makes you forget things. When someone mentions “Pinehurst,” he will lapse into a deep sleep. Can you imagine what a nightmare this September’s Ryder Cup on Long Island will be for Rory? You think these nice, preppy southern boys were rude. Wait until you get a load of the loud, ethnic mishmash of ruffians that live in the Northeast. He should probably fake an injury. I’m dead serious. He could turn his ankle again “playing footie”. What a mess.

This was the 24th playing of the U.S. Open. Ironically, it’s the 124th playing in the year 2024 but they started the tournament in 1895. They had to cancel the tournament in 1917 and 1918 as well as 1942-1945 because of World Wars 1 and 2. That’s how you can tell if it’s a big war. They cancel golf tournaments. The only great golfer to ever serve in real combat was Lloyd Mangrum. Lloyd played the best golf of his life before joining the Army to prepare for the D-Day invasion in 1944. Mangrum was soon offered the club professional job at Fort Meade golf course in Maryland, which would have kept him out of combat. Anyone would take that job, right?

Not Lloyd Mangrum.

He wanted to fight for his country and was awarded two Purple Hearts at Normandy and the Battle of the Bulge. He later served with Patton’s 3rd Army and won two Silver and two Bronze stars. And that’s not all! When he finally got home, and they started up the golf tour again, who won the first U.S. Open at Canterbury Golf Club in Ohio? Lloyd freaking Mangum! The man he beat in a playoff at the U.S. Open was the legendary Byron Nelson, who, long after his career ended, called Mangum the forgotten man of golf.

Hopefully, not much longer.

They’ve been playing the U.S. Open since 1895! To give you an idea of how long ago that was, Joe Biden was only the junior Senator from Delaware in 1895. What a mess that guy is #whatamess. He only has four moods: disoriented, angrily slurring, bewildered, and falling down. My fear is he’s going to get lost. This is a serious concern. He’s walking to the helicopter on the south lawn, and he starts waving at a tree, then he just sort of keeps walking…someone please keep a better eye on ol’ Joe.

The championship was played on Pinehurst No. 2, which was originally a Donald Ross design and opened in 1907 when Biden first ran for President against Teddy Roosevelt. Ross was a legendary course designer, and this was considered his masterpiece. The turtleback greens played a large role in determining the winner, with Bryson showing amazing skill chipping the ball, which was once considered a weakness in his game. Johnny Miller described trying to land a ball on the green at No.2 as “like trying to hit a ball on the tip of a VW Beetle.” By the way, Johnny Miller is sorely missed as a golf analyst, as I think we’ve all had quite enough of Brandel Chamblee.

Pinehurst No.2 is scheduled to host the U.S. Open again in 2029, 2035, 2041, and 2047. 2047? I ask again, isn’t that a tad optimistic that we’ll have a society that can host a golf tournament in 2047? Just because you wish it doesn’t make it so. I have a dining reservation at Le Cirque in 2075. Hope I’m alive!

The big change at Pinehurst since the last Open in 2014 was bentgrass putting greens to the Bermuda grass greens. More specifically, Creeping bentgrass to ultra dwarf Bermuda. Some of you degenerate potheads will probably understand the difference. Speaking of- why does every city in the country have an overwhelming smell of weed? #whatamess. Do politicians or voters not understand the concept of a slippery slope? You think legalizing weed gives the government more taxable income and regulates the drug for safety, but what you get is that it becomes pervasive, and THC zombies walk around our cities assaulting people.

Dan Redmond can be found on Twitter @danfromdc