Ohio Governor John Kasich officially declares today “Scarlet Letter Saturday.”
The proclamation takes aim at khaki pants—and the 13th letter of the English alphabet. The former appear as a favored fashion accessory of Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh and the latter serves as the initial of Ohio State’s rival.
The resolution mocks Harbaugh’s trousers as “reportedly purchased at Walmart for $8 a pair,” out of “a 1991 Dockers commercial,” and “workplace appropriate for Jake from State Farm” but few others. The document strikes through each appearance of the letter “M,” which also receives Ohio State’s primary color while all other letters appear in standard black.
Michigan and Ohio State collide for the 112th time at noon today. The Big House hosts the adversaries and 110,000 or so of their most enthusiastic devotees. The 10-1 Buckeyes face the 9-2 Wolverines for pride. But they also play for a shot to play Iowa in the Big Ten championship game should Penn State defeat Michigan State, and depending a lot on what goes on elsewhere, the chance to play in the playoff.
Alas, like John Kasich’s presidential ambitions, the gridiron dreams of both teams require many mishaps and miscues from the field.
The document calls on denizens of the Buckeye State to steer clear of “M,” not exactly a popular choice on Wheel of Fortune finales but, as the fourteenth most used letter in English, a common enough occurrence in conversation. It also “encourage all Ohioans” to “avoid wearing pleated khakis on this day and all days.”