NBC’s “Saturday Night Live” introduced their vision of cooler versions of the official Republican presidential candidates.
The sketch at the the Southern Republican Leadership Conference, where all the candidates are introduced by an emcee out to show Republicans can be cool by talking up the candidates and having them dance to clubbing music while onstage.
Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee is introduced as someone who “turned a red state into a shred state” and doesn’t “give a Huck.” Huckabee also jammed on the bass every time one of his policies was read.
Dr. Ben Carson is introduced next with, “He want to Yale, so y’all ready for this?” And as someone who is “about to put his neurosurgery training to use, because the things he says will blow your mind.” Carson then says that Obamacare is the worse thing since slavery, to which the event’s emcee remarks, “He said that.” And “Put this guy in prison, cause he’s going to steal your vote. But watch out, because if sexuality works the way he says it does, he might turn gay in there.”
Texas Senator Ted Cruz comes onstage to “you ready to bust a Cruz?” And he is characterized as “hard on immigration, and soft on chins,” and “just like he did with the government, he’s about to shut this mother down.”
Former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina next rides onto the stage on a Harley-Davidson. The emcee states, “her maiden name is Carly Sneed, and she’s got just what you sneed. Unless what you sneed is foreign policy experience.” And “Hey, is it hot in here? Yeah, because of Carly Fiorina.”
Kentucky Senator Rand Paul is introduced as “anti-gun control, anti-Obamacare, and pro-marijuana,” with the event’s emcee expressing their surprise at Paul being pro-marijuana. Paul is called “a small man who loves small government, and fat blunts, in controlled dosages of course, when prescribed by a doctor. This little Kentucky kush is anti-abortion, except in cases where the fetus harshes his buzz.” Paul also mimes smoking joints while he’s onstage.
The last candidate, Florida Senator Marco Rubio, comes onstage with multiple dancers, and his jacket open to show off his chest. Rubio is described as someone who “believes marriage should be between one man and one sexy mamacita. But when pressed, he said he would attend a gay wedding.” The emcee adds, “he also voted against the Violence Against Women Act, sorry mamis.”
The sketch concludes with the event’s emcee wondering, “Won’t it be fun to watch all of these guys lose to Jeb Bush?”
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