Obama's EPA Pleads with Employees to Stop Pooping in Hallways

America certainly has been having problems with the EPA’s employees, but it seems the EPA itself has been having a few problems with its employees, too. In one case it’s been so bad that the EPA has had to issue a directive to warn employees to stop pooping in the hallways at work.

The website Government Executive, a site run by the National Journal that features news about federal managers and executives, reported that the officials at the Denver offices of the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) were forced to send an email scolding those employees who decided to forgo the use of the bathroom facilities there.

In the email obtained by GovExec.com, EPA Deputy Regional Administrator Howard Cantor detailed “several incidents” of bathrooms being vandalized, presumably by employees. The email lists incidents of toilets clogged with paper towels and other vandalism. It also noted that that an “individual” was “placing feces in the hallway.”

To figure out a way to address this childish behavior, the EPA decided to consult a “national expert” in “workplace violence.” The expert, John Nicoletti, apparently warned the EPA that this behavior was likely to “escalate” into something worse.

“Management is taking this situation very seriously and will take whatever actions are necessary to identify and prosecute these individuals,” EPA administrator Cantor warned employees.

Naturally when the website sought further comment from the EPA, the agency wouldn’t talk. However, EPA spokesman Richard Mylott did say, “Our brief consultation with Dr. Nicoletti on this matter, a resource who regularly provides our office with training and expertise on workplace issues, reflects our commitment to securing a safe workplace.”

The EPA’s powerplay for more control over our lives took a small hit when the Supreme Court of the United States invalidated some of the agency’s assumed power to regulate power plant emissions.

One thing the EPA might try to solve this issue is to fire a few people. A recent study showed that nine out of every ten EPA employees are “non-essential,” anyway.

Follow Warner Todd Huston on Twitter @warnerthuston or email the author at igcolonel@hotmail.com.