11 Horrible Ideas For Valentine's Day Gifts

It’s Valentine’s Day – and that means it’s time to get a gift for your special someone. What is she looking for? Traditional flowers and chocolates are passé; a nice dinner seems hackneyed. Here are some suggestions from those in the cultural/political world for what women really want for Valentine’s Day:

1. Abortion. According to Cecile Richards, president of Planned Parenthood, women are looking to terminate their pregnancy for Valentine’s Day. She tweeted a Vine of herself holding a sign with hashtag #WhatWomenNeed for Valentine’s Day:

Warning: If your sweetheart is pregnant and you buy her a gift certificate to Planned Parenthood, things may not go all that well.

2. Childcare. House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi used Valentine’s Day to push for government funding for childcare:

Pelosi then tweeted that affordable childcare is better than chocolate:

Because nothing kills romance like having to deal with those annoying children. So go rob the rich guy next door to pay for the babysitter. 

3. Equal Pay. Senator Mazie Hirono (D-HI) tweeted out this doozy:

That’s a myth. But your love isn’t. 

4. Birth Control. A condom for your lady is the ultimate gift, according to those love gurus at Planned Parenthood. In fact, it replaces a wedding ring:

If you like it, then you’d better put a condom on it. Or, as Justin Timberlake sang, you could go without the condom.

5. Obamacare. Get Covered Illinois says the best basis for a solid romantic relationship is government-subsidized healthcare. “When it comes to pursuing a relationship, a new survey shows that for many Illinoisans, health insurance is an important factor,” the Obamacare contractor says. Gold-digging: the highest form of romance.

6. A Break-Up. Because happiness means ditching your significant other to walk alone on a beach. If you have that sort of cash, and look like a model:

7. Pictures of a Weird Senator. Just because:

8. Speed Dating on the Bus. Yes, that’s happening in Los Angeles in an attempt to drum up traffic. Dating the homeless is what makes LA one of America’s sexiest cities.

9. Webcam Porn. Today is the biggest day of the year for that. Natalie Star, a web porn model, explains: “If you think about it, there’s hundreds of thousands of lonely guys, they don’t have wives, they don’t have girlfriends. It’s huge, not only for the customers that know you, but for the girls who are trying to build their audiences.” The lonely need romance, too.

10. A Romantic Weekend With the King of Jordan. Without Michelle. Or her mother.

11. Marriage. Says the Pope. Because he’s right. Unless you’re an extremist Muslim who runs Malaysia. In that case, Valentine’s Day is a “threat to Muslim values.”

What do men and women really want? Studies show that women want jewelry (35 percent), flowers (24 percent), or a card (10 percent). Men, predictably, want sex (44 percent). Unless they want a video game (14 percent).

Ben Shapiro is Senior Editor-At-Large of Breitbart News and author of the New York Times bestseller “Bullies: How the Left’s Culture of Fear and Intimidation Silences America” (Threshold Editions, January 8, 2013). He is also Editor-in-Chief of TruthRevolt.org. Follow Ben Shapiro on Twitter @benshapiro.