San Francisco Transit to Crack Down on Poopers, Stabbers

BART, the Bay Area Rapid Transit System that serves the San Francisco Bay area, has finally come clean.

Starting this past Monday, those who defecate, urinate, masturbate, sell drugs, assault others, or write graffiti won’t be welcome on their trains.

You would think that those rules would already have been in place, but hey, we’re talking San Francisco here.

Assembly Bill 716 passed last year, and gives BART permission to issue a “prohibition order.” This means it can ban riders who commit the aforementioned acts. The exile from BART can last from 30 days to one full year.

But wait, there’s good news! If you only write graffiti or poop on the escalator, you’re still eligible to ride until you’ve committed the infraction three times.

If you’re a trifle more nasty, and you stab or shoot or assault someone, it’s one strike and you’re out.

There is no telling what the penalty is if you publicly announce you are a conservative.