I am waiting for Media Matters
to condemn the President
for urinating on the Constitution
and I am waiting
for Bill Maher to make me laugh
and I am waiting
to meet someone
who has actually watched Hardball
and I am waiting
for Debbie Wasserman Schultz
to say something intelligent
and I am really waiting
for Dennis Miller
to appear on The View
and kick butt
I am waiting for Hollywood
to produce this generation’s version
of The Green Berets
and I am waiting
for Glenn Beck to escape captivity
and expose his double
and I am waiting
for Wolf Blitzer
to screw up one morning and shave
and I am waiting for George Soros
to endow the Pravda Chair
at the Columbia University School of Journalism
and I am really waiting
for Michelle Obama to announce
she’ll still love America
if Barack is not reelected
I am waiting for President Obama
to OK the Keystone Pipeline
on condition that it never carry oil
and I am waiting for “pork barrel”
to disappear from the lexicon
because it offends CAIR
and I am waiting
for the day
when humor is color blind
and I am waiting for John Roberts
to advise Elena Kagan
to do the right thing on the PPACA
and recuse
and I am really waiting
for Madonna to declare
she’s mad as hell
and she’s not gonna shake it any more
I am waiting for Hillary Clinton
to go back to Chappaqua
and have teas and bake cookies
and I am waiting for the DNC
to host a Republican debate
and I am waiting
for Government Motors
to admit the Volt
was not grounded in reality
and I am waiting for Michael Moore
to acknowledge
his Sumo wrestler son
and I am really waiting
for the Taliban
to permit us to leave Afghanistan
with dignity
I am waiting for Massachusetts
to create the Kennedy Memorial Senate Seat
and I am waiting for Maureen Dowd
to say something nice about somebody
and I am waiting
for a priest, a rabbi, and a mullah
to walk into a bar
and I am waiting for a doctor
to endorse Obamacare
and I am waiting
for Camp David
to become a retreat
for troubled community organizers
and I am really waiting
for Paul Ryan to step up
and save us
I am waiting for the AP
to characterize as scatological
Friday night document dumps
and I am waiting for the AARP
to quit woofing submissively
when Kathleen Sebelius says “Heel”
and I am waiting
for the President
to order his launch codes officer
to stop following him around
and I am waiting for Dan Rather
to wrap up his career
like a tortilla
at a street stand in Juarez
and I am waiting
for Harry Reid to introduce
a “Comparable Worth for First Ladies” bill
and I am really really waiting
for Democrats
to come to their senses
before they take us all off the cliff
Acknowledgement: “I Am Waiting” by Lawrence Ferlinghetti
from A Coney Island of the Mind (1958)