Christmas is right around the corner and Hanukkah is even closer. If you are like me, you will want to go shopping for presents that say “thank you” to some of our favorite political figures and news people who worked so hard during the past year to make our lives more—interesting. I thought I would help you folks out and come up with a list of suggested items to get for some of my favorites. I have given my list much thought but, sadly, I can’t afford to buy anything because of the lousy economy. Yet, that doesn’t mean you guys can’t:
- Nancy Pelosi – An electric broom (what else do you get a witch who has everything?)
- Eric Holder – Hooked on Phonics. You ever see him at a committee hearing? All he ever says is, “no I didn’t read that.” It’s obvious that the guy can’t read.
- Mitt Romney – Not a waffle iron or a pair of flip-flops; that would be too easy. Like the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz, I want to get him a brain, not because he isn’t smart, but so he can understand why people are looking to nominate anybody but him. I don’t think he gets it.
- Political Adviser David Axelrod – You know, I can’t think of anything he likes. You will have to figure it out yourself.
- Former Vice President Al Gore – A heating pad… so he can honestly say it’s getting warmer… somewhere.
- Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann – A tape recorder that will keep asking her questions so she doesn’t have to interrupt at debates begging to answer every question offered up to other candidates.
- Abe Foxman (head of the ADL) – A Jewish Star weighing 20 pounds to wear around his neck so he can be constantly reminded that he works for a Jewish organization, not a progressive think tank.
- Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum – A pacifier so he can stop whining at debates.
- Former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty – A time machine so he can go back in time and un-drop out of the race. If he hung around, Pawlenty might have been the “not-Romney” candidate.
- The SCHMOTUS Joe Biden – A case of duct tape so he can cover his mouth every time he leaves his house.
- Alec Baldwin – Decaffeinated coffee. There’s a guy who needs to calm down.
- Newt Gingrich – A copy of Arguing with Idiots, because he better study it before he ever appears on the “Glenn Beck Show” again.
- Jennifer Rubin of the Washington Post – A night with Mitt Romney (you know she wants it).
- Chris Matthews – A night with President Obama (you know he wants it).
- New York Senator Chuck Schumer – A night with Chuck Schumer (you know he wants it). Plus a TV Camera and a cameraman to aim the camera at the Senator. After all, it is all about him.
- Karl Rove – A life-sized cut out of President Obama. The way I see it, Bush lost the popular vote in 2000 and he should have beaten John Kerry by much more than he did in 2004, so the only miracle election Rove ever pulled off was helping to give us Barack Obama in 2008. He should have something to memorialize his big win.
- Jon Huntsman – A T-shirt saying “I’m Still Here.”
- Todd Palin – An opportunity to beat the crap out of everyone (with no repercussions) who has been lying about his family, starting with Levi Johnson.
- Donald Trump – A pair of big red floppy clown shoes and a big red rubber nose. If he is going to act like a clown by interfering with the primary season just to get himself more publicity, he might as well look like one also.
- President Barack Obama – A brand new set of the best golf clubs available. That way he will have something to do when he goes into retirement in January 2013. Also a map of the Holy Land created by his good friend, PA President Abbas. (Anybody notice something missing? The president didn’t.)
If I left you off this year’s list, I am very sorry, but money has been tight since January of 2009, and based on the coming of Obamacare and other programs the progressives are trying to stuff down our throats…well…things are going to get much tighter.