Washington DC,
August 10, 2011
Dear taxpayers, we were slightly off in our projections for economic recovery. You may have heard about this. There have been some externalities that even the smartest economists could not account for. The earthquake in Japan really fouled things up for everyone. However, we’ll keep plodding ahead with same proven fiscal policies. Rest calmly, our trusted accountants are already discovering new and exciting ways to increase “intragovernmental transfers.”
We are trying to boost the economy by telling the consumer — that means you — to spend, and to help you spend we’ll print more money and give it you. By the way, we plan to tax that money and the things you buy — expect increases on those items as well. Yes, unfortunately, it will cost money in order for us to give you “free” money. Don’t worry; governments don’t file for bankruptcy even when we are in fact bankrupt. We’ll print more money to spend ourselves out of this. We own the presses and we can do this. So we are good for it. We only ask that you handle the inflation…because in a way we are bankrupt, but like I said, governments don’t file for bankruptcy. Still with me?
We cannot guarantee currency integrity during this deficit spending while substantially adding to our national debt. We don’t have enough gold for that. Besides, there really isn’t enough wealth in the world to cover all the borrowing that is going on world wide right now. So to help cover some of the revenue, we’ll raise taxes on businesses that we are giving benefits to. You see that is how government revenue works.
We’ll also be coming for you too in short time. Again, that is how federal revenue works and will help keep our currency just above worthless. We’ve had numerous agencies — financed by you of course — that have even created sub-agencies, and even paid for private contractors — paid for by you as well — that concluded that there is no measure to the depth of revenue generation and no way for cost cutting because the government has to get theirs. Trust us, some very, very, very, smart people came with this.
I know what you are thinking. How will this mass debt affect my children, their children, and the future generations? Our answer is simple. Government only works in quarters and fiscal year end dates. Our charts do not project anything beyond those. Why should we worry about that anyway? We are talking about you aren’t we?