North Korea: U.S. Sanctions 'Laughable,' South Korean President 'Senile Granny'

North Korea has responded to elevated rhetoric from its southern neighbor with the sort of sexist tirade it has been hurling at South Korea’s female president for years, calling Park Geun-hye a “senile granny” and “tailless, old, insane bitch,” as well as a “traitor for all times.”

Following North Korea’s latest round of illegal nuclear warhead and ballistic missile tests, South Korea took an unusually firm stance, canceling the Kaesong joint industrial project and calling for fresh sanctions against the North. President Park castigated Pyongyang in terms strong enough for some to believe she was calling for regime change.

The North Koreans refused Park’s accusation that the regime was stealing the wages of its workers at the Kaesong complex, replacing the valuable South Korean currency with nearly worthless North Korean currency and scrip.

“This only proves herself to be the worst imbecile and idiot unable to count even simple numbers,” the North Koreans sneered.  “The shutdown of the [Kaesong] zone will bring tremendous damages to the South Korean economy as a whole.”

They declared their latest “satellite launch” (a disguised test of ICBM technology) and “H-bomb test” (which probably was not a fully functional hydrogen bomb) as “successes” that “startled our planet” and proved too much for the poor old South Korean president to handle: “writhing and wriggling, she sits up all night, spouting rubbish, invectives and vituperation.”

North Korea’s state-run news agency further quoted a Foreign Ministry official dismissing the new U.S. sanctions as “laughable” and vowing that Pyongyang would not abandon its nuclear program.

North Korea also conducted surprise artillery drills along its maritime border on Saturday, causing frightened residents of some South Korean islands to remember the North’s deadly artillery attack on Yeonpyeong Island in 2010.

“As a precautionary measure the South urged residents on Baengnyeongdo Island to prepare to go into shelters and fishing vessels at sea to return to nearby ports,” said South Korea’s Defense Ministry, as reported by the UK Guardian.