Most Pathetic Dictator of 2010 Contest

So who’s it going to be? 2010 has been a banner year for dictators, whether it’s the lunacy emanating from Kim in North Korea, the bizarre behavior of Libya’s Qaddafi, or the nuttiness of Hugo Chavez. These guys all crave respect and want to be seen as powerful figures. So for that reason we our out to dis’ them by formally launching the Big Peace Most Pathetic Dictator Contest of the year. You, the readers, will help determine our winner. Give us your vote in the comments section and explain your choice. A panel of three judges who write for Big Peace will evaluate your suggestions and make the final decision: television and film star Adam Baldwin (currently co-star of “Chuck” on NBC), Dr. Michael Waller, the Walter and Leonore Annenberg Professor of International Communication at the Institute of World Politics, and yours truly. Remember: the criteria is not who is the most brutal or dangerous, but the most pathetic. The winner (or Loser, as it were) will be subjected to a photoshop “hit” from our editorial team that will be posted on January 3. Here are our nominees:

Muhammar Qaddafi of Libya. Give the “Lion of Libya” (yawn) this: he has staying power. He’s been around for more than thirty years. Thank goodness that Libya has oil or otherwise he would actually have to create a system of government that encourages wealth creation. Qaddafi is said to have mellowed in recent years in hopes of getting out of the terrorism business and to be seen as more “respectable.” But armed with what WikiLeaks cables refer to his “Ukrainian nurse,” Qaddafi remains a pathetic figure on the world stage, prone to picking fights with the likes of Switzerland. Too bad Reagan missed him during that bombing strike back in 1986.

Kim Jung Il of North Korea. When he’s not busy threatening a nuclear “holy war” Kim can be found fattening himself and his friends while millions starve in his country. In 2006 he proposed fixing the hunger problem by breeding giant rabbits! He took over his father’s business of running North Korea and now is passing it on to his son. He is the most brilliant man ever to walk the face of the earth, or so says the North Korean media. Is there any other place in the world where a single, well-aimed bullet could do more good than in North Korea?

Fidel/Raul Castro. Fidel may have ceded control of Cuba to his brother Raul, but he continues to mouth off about his “great accomplishments” as Cuba’s “President.” So we offer a dual entry, with fear and trepidations that these two oversized egos can’t fit in the same contest together. Castro took a relatively advanced Latin American economy and destroyed it, declaring it evidence of “socialist progress.” Too bad the CIA couldn’t get those exploding cigars to work right forty years ago.

Hugo Chavez of Venezuela. Chavez could be the class-clown of the Dictator Class of 2010. Like Qaddafi, he’s fortunate that there is oil and natural gas in his country. Otherwise his nation’s economy would resemble North Korea. Given his overinflated ego, one can only wonder what would be a worse fate: let him drone on to expose his stupidity, or simply ignore him? He’s the latest dictator celebrity for the Hollywood set, replacing aged and wobbly Fidel. Another strike against him.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran. Ever notice how short all of these dictators are? Ahmadinejad comes in at 5′ 2″ tall. That makes him shorter than Kim Jong Il. Can you say Napoleon complex? How pathetic is Ahmadinejad? His country, which is a major oil producer, has experienced gas rationing. And remember: the Holocaust never happened.

Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe. This Marxist revolutionary, Man of the People, was once the toast of the international Left. Now he’s more of an embarrassment as he continues to run down his country economically and arrest political opponents. His wife Grace is fond of international shopping trips. Criticize him and you must be a racist.

Omar al-Bashir of Sudan. This lowly brigadier in the Sudanese army came to power in 1989 when he staged a coup. He’s declared war against Christians in southern Sudan, and the International Criminal Court has accused him of genocide and crimes against humanity. Married to his first cousin, he also has a second wife. In 2009 he told all foreign aid groups to leave his country and drop their stuff at the airport on the way out of town. Praise be to Allah, now give me all your stuff.

Choose wisely!

(Note: the photos came from a compilation at Foreign Policy.)

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