The Naked Hillary Clinton Statues You’ve Never Seen — and Lived to Tell

The media have enjoyed every single one of the naked Donald Trump statues that have appeared in public squares in several major cities. Curiously, however, no naked Hillary Clinton statues have appeared. And it is not difficult to imagine the reason.

No, it’s not liberal hypocrisy, as Mediaite’s J.D. Durkin argues — though he is quite persuasive. (Durkin adds that even the public authorities are in on the gag, with the New York City Parks Department issuing a statement that it “stands firmly against any unpermitted erection in city parks, no matter how small.”) Imagine the feminist frenzy over “body-shaming” etc.

Nor is the reason, as Dilbert‘s Scott Adams might argue, that our society has become anti-male. In a blog post in June, he noted that the Clinton campaign symbolized “The Humiliation of the American Male.” Adams argued that men’s resentment would cause them to turn out in droves for Trump. If so, why haven’t liberals put up Hillary statues, to gin up their voters?

No — the reason that no naked Hillary Clinton statues have appeared in public — thankfully! — is simply that anyone who saw them would turn instantly to stone.

The decrepit frame, the wrinkles, the sagging flesh — it is best not to go into detail, for the sake of public health, but an anatomically correct depiction of Hillary Clinton would be more devastating than a deliberately distorted depiction of Donald Trump’s genitalia. Plus, not even ancient Perseus himself would be able to figure out a way to remove it.

One correspondent on Twitter claimed — horrors! — to have actually attempted to put up a Hillary statue. Evidently, it would not stand on its own for more than five minutes without being supported by a phalanx of masculine aides, who tired quickly. Thus was western civilization saved.

In truth, there is beauty in the human form in all its varieties. We are all made in God’s image, after all. But as long as the left insists on ugliness, ugliness they shall deserve.

Just — please! — not this time.

Joel B. Pollak is Senior Editor-at-Large at Breitbart News. His new book, See No Evil: 19 Hard Truths the Left Can’t Handle, is available from Regnery through Amazon. Follow him on Twitter at @joelpollak.