Something terrible has happened to the UK news cycle. Has there been a glitch in the space-time continuum? Is it like the final scene of Terminator II being played out in 3-D?
I’m referring, of course, to the unwelcome reappearance in the media of three has-been politicians most of us would have happily preferred never to see again in a million years: Tony Blair, David Cameron and John Major. And all three of them on the same day…
John Major is back busily trying to sabotage Brexit with his vexatious Supreme Court challenge to Boris Johnson’s prorogation of parliament.
Tony Blair has turned up like a bad penny to tell anyone who’ll listen about just how “dangerous” Boris’s chief advisor Dominic Cummings is.
David Cameron, of course, has a book to plug prior to its inevitable appearance about three months hence in the 99p bargain bins.
Do these ex-prime-ministers not know the meaning of ‘dignified retirement.’?
Cameron, till recently, I thought, had played a blinder. His only media appearances were the fruits of long-lens paparazzo shots of him emerging fatly from the sea like a walrus in Vilebrequin trunks. They made you feel rather sorry for him – almost like you’d misjudged him, though of course, you hadn’t. But that’s the beauty of time and absence: leave it long enough and people forget how awful you were.
Blair, obviously, was never going to go away ever. He is like the Eumenides: he will haunt us for all eternity. But you’d think that with all those gazillions he gets paid for advising tyrants on how best to oppress their people without the world noticing he could afford some decent advisers. Like, why did no one warn him that it’s a bit rich having a go at Dominic Cummings when, during his own stint as Prime Minister, he hung out with the likes of Alastair ‘Dodgy Dossier’ Campbell, Lord ‘Prince of Darkness’ Mandelson, and Geoffrey ‘Commie spy’ Robinson?
As for John Major: wouldn’t it have been so better for all of us, him in included, if he’d been remembered – if at all – as that funny man who pronounced ‘want’ as ‘wunt’ and once famously had an affair with a much more charismatic junior colleague called Eggwina Currie? At least that invested this grey, sour, Europhile bully with a faint aura of exoticism and charisma. Now he’s back, we’re just being reminded of who he really was: yet another fake Conservative who kept us shackled to the European Union.
A pox on the three of them!
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