Nolte: Queen’s ‘Fat Bottomed Girls’ Excluded from Children’s Audio Platform

Yoto, an audio platform for small children, has excluded “Fat Bottomed Girls” from Queen’s Greatest Hits.

“Rock Royalty? Shop Queen Now! Queen’s greatest hits are now available!” So says the Yoto homepage advertising one of the best-selling albums (25 million and climbing) of all time.

The track list includes 16 songs and this warning:

NOTE: Please note that the lyrics in some of these songs contain adult themes, including occasional references to violence and drugs. These are the original and unedited recordings. Whilst no swear words are used parental discretion is advised when playing this content to or around younger children.

Missing, though, is 1978’s “Fat Bottom Girls,” a naughty song written by Queen lead guitarist Brian May that sold some two million copies in the U.S.

Although some critics of the removal have blamed the woke fascists for striking again, my guess is that the removal has less to do with political correctness surrounding the word “fat” and more to do with this racy lyric that celebrates statutory rape:

But I knew life before I left my nursery, huh
Left alone with big fat Fanny
She was such a naughty nanny
Big woman, you made a bad boy out of me

Now, before you all freak out on me for using the term “statutory rape,” don’t misunderstand… I love Queen, I love Freddie Mercury, and I love “Fat Bottom Girls.” I get rock n’ roll. I get that it’s supposed to be naughty, inappropriate, and fun—I really do, And I have zero problem with the song or its lyrics. In fact, I wish our current uptight culture were more naughty, inappropriate, and fun. This country has never needed a Freddie Mercury more.

But.

Yoto is an audio service for small children, not adults, and not even teens. We’re talking about the Fisher-Price crowd here, so I have no issues with Yoto erring on the side of protecting a child’s innocence this way.

America’s culture is not easy for parents to navigate. The internet makes it all that much harder. So I appreciate a company like Yoto policing a product aimed at very small children. You don’t have to agree with the decision, but this seems like a case where we can agree to disagree.

Would I allow a small child to listen to “Fat Bottom Girls?” To be honest, until this hit the news, and even though I’ve heard the song a gazillion times, I wasn’t aware of those lyrics. Hell, for the last 45 years, I thought the song was called “Flat Bottomed Girls.” So I honestly don’t know how to answer that question.

Follow John Nolte on Twitter @NolteNC. Follow his Facebook Page here.