Nolte: Flailing ‘Star Wars’ Creators Announce the Return of Rey and Two Other Movies

Star Wars brand destroyer and disastrous diversity hire Kathleen Kennedy announced Thursday that three new Star Wars films are in development, with one starring…Rey.

Can I get a whoo hoo!?

Can I at least get a whoo?

A hoo?

Man, tough crowd…

Here are the details:

Kathleen Kennedy confirmed that a new series of Star Wars films are on the way from directors James Mangold, Dave Filoni, and Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy. Daisy Ridley will reprise her role as Rey in Obaid-Chinoy’s film.

Introducing the new series, Kennedy said Mangold’s movie will be set during the time period of the dawn of the Jedi and Filoni’s project will be based around the New Republic. Obaid-Chinoy’s film, however, will chronicle events following the Rise of Skywalker. Obaid-Chinoy said her film “will tell the story of the rebuilding of a new Jedi order.”

Let’s just call it what it is… Star Wars: The Return of Mary Sue.

Assuming these movies are actually happening—I am skeptical—these woke lunatics are going to bring back the dullest, least interesting, least charismatic character imaginable.

Yes, Disney is about to drop half a billion dollars into a movie starring Rey, a total Mary Sue, a boring nothingness, when what this franchise really needs is a Steve McQueen. Star Wars needs to be cool, masculine, competent, and awesome again.

I do not have anything against Daisy Ridley. She might be a fine actress. But Ridley has all the charisma of a supporting sitcom character, and Rey is a nothing character. Who exited Rise of Skywalker saying, Gee, I really want to see more of Rey’s adventures—or—Gee, I wonder what happens to Rey next?

Nobody.

In better news, the Rey Reboot will be directed by a woman, which means that if it sucks and we say so, we will all be called sexists.

Kennedy also announced Filoni is set to direct a feature that will “act as a climactic event for the current Star Wars series The Mandalorian, The Book of Boba Fett and the upcoming Ahsoka.” I am sure the Mandalorian and Boba Fett will discover their love for one another, dress in drag, and shake their hairy butts in front of Baby Yoda.

Another genius idea. The Book of Boba Fett is widely hated by the fandom, and The Mandalorian is currently skiing off a woke cliff. Why would you risk a feature film on one unpopular TV show and another show growing more unpopular with the release of each additional episode?

Finally, James Mangold will direct a prequel described as a “biblical epic” that looks “at the origins of the Force and [is] set 25,000 years before any of the timelines and stories told by the movies and shows so far.” I am sure the original Jedis will all be gay transvestites who prance half-naked around small children.

It has been almost five years since the last Star Wars feature, a blunder called The Rise of Skywalker. The original plan was to “Marvel” the Star Wars universe by releasing two films yearly. The result has been mostly terrible movies (Rogue One was pretty good), serious backlash from the fans, and a half-dozen or so announced feature films that fell completely apart.

Kathleen Kennedy has woke-raped the greatest franchise in history into a punchline.

There is no release date for any of these movies, so this might be a public relations gimmick for Disney and Kennedy to save face. That means…

Don’t hold your breath, Star Wars fans…if there are any of you left.

Follow John Nolte on Twitter @NolteNC. Follow his Facebook Page here.