Does Anyone Want to be an Oscar Host?

The hardest job in show business is officially open–again.

Seth Macfarlane, the Family Guy creator who ruffled feminist feathers during his first time as Oscar host, officially begged off the gig via Twitter. That’s assuming the hosting duties were open to him for 2014’s Oscar telecast in the first place, which isn’t quite clear.

Nevertheless, a job opening is a job opening in Obama’s America. But who in their right mind would jump at the chance to be X-rayed by every sentient soul the day following the Oscar broadcast?

Veteran comics like David Letterman and Jon Stewart didn’t make memorable hosts. Billy Crystal can only hope to duplicate a fraction of the magic he once so effortlessly conjured on the Oscar stage. Do we even need to recall the Hindenburg-like performance by James Franco and Anne Hathaway?

So who’s left? Did every comic in Hollywood just take one long step backwards?

Macfarlane brought an edge to the February 2012 show, and he spent the following days–and weeks–reading nasty Tweets and nastier reviews concerning his performance. Hosting the Oscars demands a comic pay tribute to the films in question, mock the celebrities in attendance (but not too hard) and burst the smug balloon rising up to the rafters without making it look like you’re doing just that.

Ethan Hunt would turn down the mission for being impossible.

Perhaps the best person to host the Oscars now is someone with nothing to lose, career wise, a talent who has hit rock bottom and can only look up.

Lindsay Lohan, your agent is on the line.