Tokidoki Barbie: The Conservative Hipster

I really hated Trailer Trash Barbie.

Remember her? The knocked up Barbie doll from the late 1990s wearing a teeny tiny skirt and tube top?

The thing is I probably didn’t hate it for the same reason the mainstream conservative would hate it. No, I didn’t get on a high horse and tout the moral downfall of an iconic toy with her outside-of-wedlock pregnancy … I cared more about the fact that:

A. I grew up in a trailer – and it was a VERY nice one!

B. I happened to be a teen mother – and wouldn’t have traded it for the world.

C. And I’d never wear a mini that short – trailer girls aren’t automatically hussies.

See, it was a stereotype, one stating those who grew up in trailers were trash, likely to get pregnant, and would never really amount to much. And never being one to believe I had to be a statistic, this really rubbed me raw. It actually made me want to prove everyone wrong – even the conservative family advocates spouting their sanctimonious messages about the doll’s inappropriate moral message.

Fast-forward 10 years, and conservatives are singing a similar message to pretty much the same ole’ tune.

This week the news was going on and on about the newest collector Barbie to make a splash on the girly-girl scene. Dubbed Tokidoki Barbie (already sold out on multiple websites), this little vixen dons tattoos and smart and a sassy pink bobbed haircut. Her painfully high heels and leopard print pants are for sure a fashion crime, but the rest of her is edgy, fun and harmless IMHO (although her pet’s name is kinda iffy).

Parent groups are in an uproar, saying this is Mattel’s latest attempt to teach our girls to be rebellious and buck the system. They’ve also stated it’s another way the toy giant is encouraging the demise of traditional values and the importance of wholesome play and home life. Basically, this new Barbie is the antithesis of a conservative woman.

Really? Well, maybe I am too, then … but wait. I am a conservative woman.

Tattooed, proud, and a woman of the non-traditional hair-color variety purchased at a Target near you, I find it necessary on a daily basis to help people understand stereotyping conservatives is exactly why we are in the predicament we are today when it comes to our ‘uncool’ quotient.

A woman, dressed in a conservative soft blue suit, perfect Clairol No. 36 black hair, and nice diamond studs in her ears sits at the news desk and condemns a Barbie Doll because of its tattoos and hair color. She, as a conservative spokeswoman, is the picture of what every single liberal or undecided in our country thinks of when they think ‘conservative.’ Therefore, we’ve reinforced our own boring image and can hear the impressionable, undecided minds turn more and more to the left with each criticism of a freaking plastic doll.

Furthermore, we’ve made an issue out of something that’s so trivial and unimportant. Can we talk about our debt? Health Care? The OWS protests? Something actually worth discussing and potentially damaging to this country and to our children?

No. We have to talk about Barbie …

It’s a Doll. It’s not Chucky from the ‘Child’s Play’ movies running around with a will, mind, and agenda, telling all little girls to get tats, ride Harleys and never, ever obey those in authority over you. It’s another variety of doll, of which there are already thousands of varieties, to help girls express themselves.

Think about it. That’s really all tattoos and hair color are. They’re ways for us to show our individualism. Granted, they can be done in excess – but so can everything in life.

If we can honestly say a doll has control over our children’s moral judgments by its appearance, then we, as parents, aren’t doing our jobs now, are we? A toy doesn’t have an agenda. It’s something to facilitate the expression of values, imagination and morals learned from home, school and outside influences. In short, the teaching is done in the home – not by a doll.

If you don’t like it, don’t buy it. It’s just that simple, isn’t it? Let’s spend our conservative energies educating and getting our message out there.

We need to let people know there are as many types of conservatives as there are Barbie Dolls … We’ve got Lawyer Barbie, Model Barbie, Bicycle Barbie, Veterinarian Barbie, Spy Barbie and Ball Gown Barbie and yes, Mrs. June Cleaver, 1950s perfect Barbie … And yeah, we have tattooed Barbie, too.

It takes all types to make a diverse group. And despite the common thought, conservatives are as diverse as can be. Whether we’re tattooed, pierced, bottle blonde or wearing skulls and crossbones, letting others know we’re determined to break the common conservative mold should be our goal and ambition … This is where our energy should be (read many of my writings? Then you know I say this often!)

And our first order of business? … Vote Tokidoki Barbie as the official doll of the conservative party …

OK … Maybe we’re not quite ready for that yet. But there’s still hope, right?

And seriously … I really do want one.