If you look over Seth Meyers’ IMDB page, he isn’t listed as a writer or performer in any of the high-profile celebrity roasts on Comedy Central. From his performance at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner last Saturday, it’s rather obvious why. In a role that traditionally sends up the Commander-in-Chief, the closest Meyers came to skewering Obama was making a remark about him not being as inspirational as he was in his 2008 campaign, and, of course, turning it into a joke about how white the Tea Party is (to which the virtually all-white crowd applauded uproariously).

What really upset me about Meyers, and all progressive “comedians,” is that their kid-glove treatment of Obama isn’t just because they have a condescending view of him– that he can’t take it. If you listen to the rest of his speech, Meyers is a Racer— an individual who sees race and racism where it is irrelevant or not present at all– so, since he attributes virtually all political motivation to race, he avoids offending Obama because he thinks that, as a black man, Obama can’t handle a roasting. Note how his Republican targets don’t include Allen West or Herman Cain; Meyers the Racer only goes after whites because he thinks that only they have the ability to withstand jokes at their expense.

Now, to give Meyers credit, the jokes he made onstage weren’t the worst jokes he came up with. Yes, that’s right; we’ve “Breitbarted” him with a hidden camera video sent to us by an anonymous celebrity journalist citizen journalist. We’re currently working on digitally doctoring all cuts in the video so that it looks like one continuous take without any selective editing (the lifeblood of all content at the Bigs), but before that’s ready, here are some highlights of the “jokes” Meyers almost used onstage:


Ed. Note: For the humor-impaired, this post is a completely made up piece of fiction. I now return you to your joylessness. — JN