Olbermann: Just Another Cash-Hungry Capitalist

So just like me, MSNBC had an irritating organ removed from its lower midsection.

Yes, Keith Olbermann is gone.

So people are obviously wondering – who’s going to replace Olby?

My suggestion: the great Brian Dunkleman.

He is an American treasure.

Now, there’s much conjecture behind Keith’s exit. Some say it’s ideology – that Comcast wanted to rid MSNBC of it’s left-leaning furniture. If that’s true, then they only lost a tattered end of a sectional.

But others say it’s cash – since Olby is the kind of guy whose salary will never be enough – if there’s someone else making more.

It’s the old, “I only walk taller if my neighbor is limping” sort of thing.

Anyway, it’s odd for a progressive to be so enamored by competition. And cash. I suppose as long as your motives are Chomsky-approved, you’re an exception to your own rules. Things like basic politeness don’t apply – as long as you only care about my money.

I call this the Sean Penn rule, named after my buddy Sean who went to Penn state.

He was a jerk.

Anyway, it’s a glorious hypocrisy: that a man so disgusted by America’s me-first attitude turns out to be nothing more than a consumption addict, gobbling dollars like the ruthless corporate machine he so publicly loathes.

Never mind crud like global warming or social justice – what really moves Olby “forward” is the Benjamins.

I can’t blame him. I love Mr. Bratt.

But you know that if you were in his place, doing what he does – he’d call you the worst person in the world.

And be mad that he’s only making a few million for it.

…and if you disagree with me, you’re slightly worse than Hitler.