Director Ron Howard’s “The Dilemma” isn’t going to be released until January but is already generating big press. In case you haven’t heard, in an early trailer for the film one of the stars, Vince Vaughn, who plays an auto designer, says:

“Ladies and gentlemen, electric cars are gay. I mean, not ‘homosexual’ gay, but, you know, ‘my parents are chaperoning the dance’ gay.”

Even though Universal Studios withdrew the trailer after protests, Howard says he will keep the line in the film. Now more protests are threatened unless the joke is cut entirely from the actual movie. This line has sent gay activists into a tizzy and has now made any reference to “gay” in a humorous way, the moral equivalent of carrying Mein Kampf into a synagogue.

One gay activist is quoted as saying the joke promotes “hate and homophobia.” Ellen DeGeneres says it is a form of bullying. Anderson Cooper of CNN agrees, “We’ve got to do something to make those words unacceptable ’cause those words are hurting kids!” Good for you, Andy. And I’m sure you’ll be apologizing to all the Tea Party activists you called “tea baggers” (indirectly mocking them as”gay”), now that you have seen the light.

I’m sure the people at GLAAD would have come down on Mr. Cooper had they realized what he had said, but they were probably just really busy that year and missed the “joke” that was all over TV and the Internet. Thankfully the folks from GLAAD have finally spoken up and are now trying to end “gay” jokes. I say “bravo,” it’s about time to end all of this “attack” humor.

We must take a stand and stop letting comedy and comedians offend people.

I know! Let’s get a whole list of banned words and topics together! For the children…

Let’s see, we have the granddaddy of all banned words, a word so bad we can’t even print it, we can only refer to it as the N-word. Then we have the F-word, and I have to be honest and admit that I don’t know if that’s “fag” or “fuck.” We also have another contender for the F-word, “fat.” As someone who has struggled with a weight problems, I find fat jokes offensive. In fact I find those “phat” references offensive too. Would “fag” be any less offensive to leftists if it were spelled “phag?” So let’s knock off the fat jokes. I’m sure thin people find jokes about being skinny hurtful as well, so they are now o-u-t out. Short, tall, unattractive, blond and any other reference to any appearance or feature must be banned, as well.

Then we have the “r” word. We wouldn’t want an actor calling an electric car “retarded” now, would we? Jokes about people with or any reference to any type of limited abilities are now forbidden. We also need to be sensitive to how smart people are portrayed — so jokes about geeks, nerds and dweebs are banned. As a Southerner and hillbilly let’s put an end to all of those hurtful references to how stupid people are in the South. No more NASCAR or incest jokes. Then too, we will have to agree to stop making jokes about New Yorkers and folks from Jersey. No jokes about California or its “dude” culture. In fact, let’s just stop jokes about where people are from and how they behave.

I think it goes without saying that any ethnic reference is gone, Outlawed too is making fun of people’s religion, politics or educational background. No reference will be made to a person’s economic status. This can be hurtful no matter how much or how little a person makes. Did I miss anything? Age? No “Geezer” jokes. Relationships? Off limits.

No jokes about anything.

I once did a TV show and had a joke about Daylight Savings Time and how in Indiana they don’t observe it. “Indiana days are boring enough without being any longer,” was the punchline. The producer asked me to cut it because it might offend someone in Indiana. I told him that every joke offends somebody and if he could tell me a joke that didn’t I would cut the line without complaint. I got to do the joke.

As a comedian I know two things for sure; there’s no such thing as a victimless joke and everything offends somebody. That is the whole point of comedy. Comedy is supposed to make fun of something. Great comedy makes us uneasy and makes us question our assumptions. Paraphrasing Twain: We are supposed to make hamburgers out of someone’s sacred cow.

Once we start saying you can make fun of everything except … (insert your favorite set-aside here) it isn’t only the end of comedy…

It’s the end of free speech.