Top 5: Favorite Television Food & Recipes

Food and television go hand in hand. Those who doubt this fact need only look at the correlation between the proliferation of cable television by year then compare it with the obesity rate. The two seem to be related. The more wide spread cable became, the fatter we got. It should be no surprise that food has been almost as big a part of television for the various shows as it has been for the audience. A number of programs have created (or stumbled accidentally upon) signature dishes that became part of the shows and the pop-culture consciousness as well. Below are my top five television foods and recipes.

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5. The Screaming Viking from “Cheers”:

The Screaming Viking comes from the first episode of Cheers to feature Kirstie Alley in her roll of Rebecca Howe. Sam (Ted Danson), trying to purge anything that was associated with former flame, Diane (Shelly Long), out of his life, sold the bar, bought a boat, and planned on circumnavigating the globe. The problem was that Sam was about as good at being a sailor as he was at being a MLB pitcher. He sank the boat and returned to Cheers, penniless and looking for a job. New manager, Rebecca Howe, hires him but must make room by either firing longtime Cheers assistant bartender, Woody (Woody Harrelson), or a new, but extremely talented bartender she had hired. The new guy claimed he knew ever drink known to man, and made a bet that if a customer asked for a drink he was unfamiliar with, he would quit. After some conspiring between the Cheers regulars, the fictional drink the Screaming Viking was born. Obviously the new guy didn’t know what this concoction was, and left in disgrace.

After the defeated bartender leaves, everyone who had ordered the Screaming Viking spits it out. This is probably the appropriate reaction to this drink. The ingredients are vodka, dry vermouth, celery, lime juice, and a cucumber (bruised).

This drink doesn’t make the list because it is good, but rather it delivers on its promise to be horrible. When a bar full of people spit the Screaming Viking out, this is not a tremendous endorsement. After the first three, you stop noticing the way the celery, alcohol, and cucumber slice seem to be completely at odds with one another. After five of them, you stop noticing your brain stem (or it stops noticing you, either way it isn’t good). After seven of these drinks, you can see through time. When you get up past that you are risking a trip to the emergency room. Overall this drink was an enjoyable experiment and one of the few times that fun could be had with a bruised cucumber that didn’t involve the 2AM scramble for companionship on bar night.

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4. Milk and Pepsi from “Laverne and Shirley”:

Pop and milk in the same glass is not a new concept. My grandmother used to make me a drink called a “Boston Cooler” (this drink is virtually unknown outside the borders of Michigan). This drink consists of ginger ale and milk. Being the Sicilian rebel that she was, grandma used a small Detroit brand named “Grillies” instead of Vernors. Grandma also cured my sore throats by frying salt, putting it in a sweat sock, and wrapping around my neck and believed sugar cookies and cannoli were the answer to just about every problem life could throw at you. So not every idea she had was a winner (save for the cannoli). But the pop and milk thing worked when she did it. Laverne Defazio from the show “Laverne and Shirley” was less successful with her milk and Pepsi concoction.

While the taste of ginger was strong enough to stand up to the milk, the cola taste in Pepsi was overwhelmed. In a drink that is two parts Pepsi and one part milk, the taste of the cola was almost completely lost and the whole thing wound up tasting like sugar milk that had been sitting around at room temperature a little too long. While that was the experience when the standard Pepsi product was used in the recipe, it actually tasted better when the “Throwback” Pepsi, the one that uses real sugar instead of corn syrup, was mixed in to the milk. In order to be fair and balanced when testing this drink, a glass of milk and Coke was also experimented with. This drink was much better than the milk and Pepsi. The nutmeg taste in Coke didn’t fight the milk so much and it worked in a rather odd way. While milk and Coke was surprisingly pleasant, chocolate milk and coke was a gastronomic holocaust.

Those who want to try this drink need only pour one part milk and two parts Pepsi/Coke/RC/Jolt into a glass and enjoy.

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3. Spaghetti Tacos from “iCarly“:

Something seems very wrong about mixing the sort of food they serve at Olive Garden with a Taco Bell offering. However when a massively successful show like iCarly advocates for Spaghetti Tacos, it is very hard to ignore. The base recipe for this is exactly what the title implies: Spaghetti , marinara sauce (with meat), and common, corn based, taco shells from any grocery store. While the base recipe tasted great, but the beauty of this food is in the versatility of it. Like any proper taco, additional toppings can be added, such as jalapeno peppers (which really popped), Mozzarella cheese, tomato chunks, Pepper Jack Cheese, etc. In short, if it belongs on a taco or pasta, it will fit in this a spaghetti taco.

The one drawback to the spaghetti taco was the “mess” factor. Long, stringy, linguini style pasta eaten from a taco shell tends to be untidy. I tried versions wit mostaccioli and shells. I found those worked much better than the classic recipe with the long spaghetti. Not only were they less messy, but the thicker, more concentrated pasta added a texture that was much more enjoyable than the linguini style spaghetti taco. I am sure that the whole spaghetti taco thing started as a joke, but it turned out to be a great recipe.

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2. Bacon Burger Dog from “The Cosby Show”:

If more people ate Bacon Burger Dogs, the world would be a less angry and violent place. Mostly because there would be a lot fewer of us to do the fighting. Those who survived this meat filled WMD would be way too happy, full, and emotionally content to be angry at anyone. This recipe is the ultimate comfort food perhaps the Cosby shows greatest contribution to society.

The success or failure of the Bacon Burger Dog depends heavily on the ingredients. In short, if your meat plumps when you cook it, you are probably using the wrong hot dogs. I experimented with this recipe using Kowalski hot dogs, an 80/20 mix of Angus ground beef, and Dakin Farm Cob-Smoked Bacon. If you just get some ball park franks, some rancid turkey bacon, and ground meat that may or may not be from an ungulate, well…you deserve what you get. The Bacon Burger Dog should be served on a quality hoagie roll.

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1. The Upside-down Flint Rubble-Bubble Cake from “The Flintstones”:

Considering the fact that this year marks a half century of the Flintstones, we can’t ignore them. They also came up with perhaps the most interestingly named confection in all of television history. The Upside-down Flint Rubble-Bubble Cake is a recipe that Wilma and Betty came up with for a televised cooking contest, but due to a number of circumstances, Fred and Barney (in drag) wound up on the show actually making the cake.

The real recipe for is either a closely guarded or died with William Hanna and Joseph Barbera. Well, if it was a closely guarded secret, it would have found its way to the New York Times front page or Wikileaks (especially if the cake can be damaging to national security and give aid and comfort to our Islamic enemies). While there is no actual recipe for this, the mere mention of the cake sprinting out to the bakery in order to fill my desire for this item with Hostess products and the occasional cheesecake. Oddly enough, even after a pastry bender, I feel strangely empty inside.

This item is the number one television food item based on a really interesting name and its ability to inspire the sort of longing that not even an entire French Silk pie can satisfy. If anyone has an actual recipe for this, please send it along.