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10. No one will ever say that David Letterman is “too smart to believe what he believes.”
9. Whatever was left of Dave’s edgy sense of irony died while engaging in a serious discussion about the ethics of journalism with… Rachel Maddow… of…. MSNBC…
8. Dave hasn’t figured out that “scaring smart people” puts your ratings in the toilet.
7. Dave will believe any lie told by a humorless partisan wearing purple glasses.
6. Two negatives do not equal a positive. Maddow’s inability to feel joy plus Letterman’s similar affliction equals less audience pleasure than a discussion about undercooked meatloaf between two nursing home residents.
5. Somehow the career of Johnny Carson’s former protege’ has hit so many classless lows that his calling someone a #$%*& $@#!& on national television doesn’t even rate.
4. Contrary to popular belief, for five minutes Dave is in fact able to restrain himself from leering over the words “Palin” and “Sarah.” …and to not make jokes about the statutory rape of teenage girls.
3. The only time anyone notices Dave’s show is when he embarrasses himself.
2. Dave’s still cranky since learning Bill Clinton now narrowly leads in their contest to see which gray-haired old lefty can score the most intern tail.
1. I guess Andrew won’t be getting a personal tour of Letterman’s creepy Edgar Allen Poe off-office sex-with-employees room above the Ed Sullivan Theatre.