As most viewers know, I hate outer space. It makes me feel small – and when I think about how large it is, I get dizzy. It’s like trying to comprehend infinity: it’s beyond our ability, and an underrated Journey album.
But even though I hate outer space, I get its importance. Unlike President Obama, who thinks NASA is a shinier version of Epcot Center.
According to a piece by Byron York, Obama ordered NASA administrator Charles Bolden to focus on three goals – inspire brats to study science and math, expand international relations (which only works when hookers are involved), and help Muslims “feel good about their historic contribution to science, math, and engineering”. These goals, as Hot Air notes – have nothing to do with space.
But they are spacey.
And so our President has put feelings before frontiers. Which is a mistake, because you can’t inspire anyone – kids or Muslims – without actually doing something. And if space exploration is no longer about space exploration, what exactly is it?
Crap.
But you know what it should be about?
Blowing up crap. Fact is, we love movies like Star Wars, Star Trek and Star Jones – not for their emotion, but for their annihilation. In short: we need to weaponize space. Personally, I can’t think of a better way to excite a kid than giving him the chance to obliterate Pandora.
I hate those people.
As for Muslims, outreach failed. New polls show that Muslim nations hate us just as much as before – so Obama’s outstretched hand has left them limp. Fact is, other countries – Muslim or otherwise – respect power, and see appeasement as a weakness. If you want them to like us, build something that will scare the shit out of them.
And, it’s going to happen whether we do it or not. So we might as well be first.
And if you disagree with me, you’re a racist homophobe who hates soccer.
Congressman Thaddeus McCotter!
and the Old Spice Man is back: Isaiah Mustafa!