Those Gyllenhaal kids seem awfully determined to change my mind about them this year. First there was Maggie, whose wonderfully mature and earthy turn in “Crazy Heart” finally won me over after being completely immune to her charms since day one. And now Jake does what few of us ever thought possible: delivers convincingly as a charming, masculine action hero in the entertaining though nothing-special “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time,” which opens everywhere Friday and is deserving of many extra points for not being in 3D.
The mystical adventure, based on a popular 1989 video game, is set in ancient Persia and surrounds the quest for a magic dagger capable of doing all sorts of things that include, naturally, bringing about the end of the world. Keeping its awesome powers to do both good and evil out of the hands of evildoers is left to Dastan (Gyllenhaal), the wrongfully accused Prince of Persia currently on the run from his own brothers, and Tamina (Gemma Arterton), the drop dead gorgeous Princess of Alamuta – a sacred city that holds the magic sand needed to make the dagger work.
In that sexually charged kind of way, things are a little tense between Prince and Princess. But that has to do with the fact that the adventurous Dastan was the one who led his country’s invasion and occupation of her’s. He’s roguish and in need of wisdom, she’s tough but a little spoiled. You’ve seen it all before but that’s because the dynamic works so well. And so in-between the many action set-pieces, banter and sparks must fly.
“Persia’s” glaring flaw is that it never takes off. While the plot has plenty of turns, there’s no moment where the story grabs hold and owns you. To the director’s credit (the versatile and under-appreciated Mike Newell), at worst it’s diverting and at best a few of the sequences involving Dastan’s striking acrobatic abilities do deliver in an old-fashioned Saturday afternoon matinee kind of way. Unfortunately, though, this is another one of those over-stuffed summer spectacles where as it rolls on you just know that what’s coming is an underwhelming climax that will at least look marvelous. And you would be right.
What “Persia” does have, though, is a spirit and charm that takes hold immediately and never loses its way. The actors are smart enough to play it straight even as the story wisely never takes itself too seriously. And again, the real surprise here is Gyllenhaal, who strips away that soft, bewildered, meterosexual look and replaces it with a sparkle of wit and adventure. Upon first notification of his casting I’ve openly laughed at the very idea he could convincingly sword and sandal. Thankfully, I was wrong.
Another excellent piece of casting is Arterton as the love interest. There are way too many girls in movies today. Arterton, however, is all woman and refreshingly feminine. She can handle herself in a fight but there are none of those wildly stupid feminist moments like Cate Blanchett’s Marian showing up in full armor for the climactic battle in “Robin Hood.” As a mercenary scoundrel, Alfred Molina shamelessly (and effortlessly) steals his scenes with an ongoing rant against taxation that should warm the heart of tea partiers across America. There’s also something for our friends on the left. What’s not for them to like when a story involves the invasion of another country based on faulty weapons intelligence?
I keed! I keed! None of these plot points come off as anything close to a political statement. This is a Jerry Bruckheimer film after all… and have you stopped to thank the Almighty for Jerry Bruckheimer today? The only agenda this uber-producer has revolves around the putting of many asses in many seats. This is a man not only deserving of a Thalberg, but I’m currently lobbying the Vatican for the waiver necessary to begin cloning him. Five Jerry Bruckheimers and I can go back to bill collecting.
As far as the so-called controversy surrounding the casting of Caucasian Gyllenhaal as a Persian, just know that the same Leftists wringing their hands over this are the first to applaud when all kinds of Middle Eastern actors lose work after Hollywood bends over for CAIR and switches out Arab villains for Dutch munitions makers, or some such absurdity. Only after the left gets their indignation straight will I try to summon my own shit to give. Big Hollywood’s James Hudnall will address this “controversy” a little more thoughtfully next week.
Much better than Ridley Scott’s “Robin Hood,” somewhat better than the new “Clash of the Titans,” but nonetheless flatter than its energetic makers obviously aspired to, “Prince of Persia” — as viewed in an air-cooled theatre while grasping a fistful of Twizzlers – will deliver (an instantly forgettable) bang for the buck.
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