Daily Gut: Running for the Border

So Mexican President Felipe Calderon was at the White House Wednesday, where he bashed Arizona’s new immigration law, calling it discriminatory to Mexicans.

The best part: when he said he wants “a border that will unite us instead of dividing us.” Uh, sounds nice – but aren’t borders the physical manifestation of division? Isn’t division… the point?

But he said this in Spanish – which to me is kinda divisive, since I took two years of it in school and was too drunk at the time to remember any of it. Nonetheless, our President gamely threw Arizona under the bus – no surprise since he never read the damn law, anyway.

We also discussed the new law in Arizona which is a misdirected effort, a misdirected expression of frustration over our broken immigration system which has raised concerns in both our countries. Today, I want every American to know that my administration has devoted unprecedented resources in personnel and technology to securing our border. Illegal immigration is down, not up, and we will continue to do what’s necessary to secure our shared border.

All hail modern American diplomacy. Earlier this week, one of our jackass diplomats groveled before the Chinese – who kill dissidents for fun – over our human rights violations. And then, of course, the UN – who, on our dime, allow misogynists, thugs and dictators to sit on commissions – said Arizona violates international standards. I supposed if we started raping more, we’d fit the UN criteria.

And now Calderon comes here to tell us we discriminate – simply because we want what Mexico already has – a border.

It makes me wonder how he’d feel if I came to Mexico and condemned his Gestapo-like immigration laws. Like I said before, anyone deported from Mexico who tries to return, can be jailed for up to ten years. And foreigners can be banned if they upset “the equilibrium of the national demographics,” are judged harmful to “economic or national interests,” or if “they are not physically or mentally healthy.”

Now that’s divisive!

But no one cares – because no one’s trying to get into Mexico. Instead of obsessing over our laws, Felipe should ask himself why his countrymen are dying, literally, to come here.

It’s definitely not for the Mexican food.

I’ve eaten at Chevy’s.

Tonight!

Comedian Paul Provenza!

Imogen Lloyd Webber!

Ron Geraci!

and Father Jonathan!