So, as usual, I was at the gym working my quads when, on the TV in front of me, Ted Turner popped up on his own network, to be interviewed by one of his own employees. The questions posed were relentless, as the interviewer took no prisoners.
Na. I kid. It was fluffier than cotton candy made of unicorn farts. But no matter – Turner still managed to come off as a first class chucklebum.
In the interview he told Poppy Harlow (best damn name in news, by the way), that God may not only be behind the mammoth oil spill, but also the deadly coal mine disasters. Check it out, check it outers:
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And so Turner joins all the other nutbags who see suffering as a soapbox. You’ve already got Hugo Chavez, Pat Robertson and that crazed mullah from Iran (who blamed women’s hemlines for earthquakes). All these folks lack that fundamental voice in your head that says, “when people are in pain – shut up, rather than pile on.”
But does Ted really believe these disasters are God’s punishment? Nope. For Ted, God is not dead. God is Ted.
It is He, after all, who doesn’t like drilling or coal – so in effect he’s saying those disasters are not evidence of God’s judgmental hand, but Ted’s. He uses the horrible deaths to say, “see- I’m right! Those miners are dead because I’m right!” God killed them to prove Ted is really smart!
Think about it – this is a guy who ridiculed religious believers constantly (only the Christians, of course – they don’t chop off heads). And now, he’s speaking for God? I doubt it. He’s just saying “I told you so,” without the gloating.
But perhaps Turner, is right. And Turner actually is THE message from God. And that message is: “Behold a mammoth jackass. Why aren’t you watching Fox News?”
And if you disagree with me, you’re a racist homophobe and it’s God’s fault.
We’ve got the delightful Robert Davi, the delectable S.E. Cupp, and the gorgeous Jim Norton!
that’s a lineup.
….and don’t forget to order my book, bookorderers!