So a friend asked me to explain the whole mess in Greece, and I tried to make it simple. You know those people who keep spending money, even though they don’t have any? They have tons of crap, but their credit cards are maxed? That’s Greece.

Now they have to cut back, but they don’t want to. Remember the phrase, “taking candy from a baby?” Well, imagine this baby is unionized, and prone to arson.

But if you really want to puke, Washington Post’s Anne Applebaum points out what Greece must do, in exchange for its massive bailout. To cut the deficit, Greece must reduce Easter and summer bonuses for its civil servants.

Easter bonuses? Summer Bonuses? They get bonuses because the weather changes?

I wonder if they also get “showing up on time” bonuses, too. Or special “pet bonuses” for their prized minotaurs.

Worse, because we’re in the IMF, we’re throwing billions at Greeks who’ve been living high on the hummus for decades. You wanna know how high? According to Applebaum, in Athens 364 people told tax authorities they owned swimming pools, yet satellite photos show nearly 17,000. It’s nice to know my paycheck is footing their chlorine bill.

But hey – without the togas – Greece is just California. Right now, government employment in Cali makes up 15.47% of total employment – and 2007 census data shows that state employees make 32 percent more than average private sector workers.

And like tribbles from Star Trek, they multiply. Since the start of the recession in 2008 – as unemployment soared – the state added 13,000 employees!

That’s during a “hiring freeze.”

And you know they aren’t going anywhere. In the private sector, it’s easy to get canned (trust me, I know), but a public sector worker is safer than Roseanne at Hef’s mansion. Which is why so many people want those jobs. A government gig, is Christmas every day. Plus bonuses.

And if you disagree with me, you’re a homophobic racist who hates racist homophobes.

Tonight:

Amy Schumer! She’s Schumerlicious!

John Devore. He’s devorable!

Straight outta FBN – from Happy Hour: Cody Willard – he’s codylightful!

and he’s back, and he’s brought a friend:

Ginger from the Wildhearts, and Michael Monroe (Hanoi Rocks!) join us to talk about Michaels new awesome band (it is awesome, trust me on the awesomeness of the awesome band)