Twenty-three years have passed since the first “Wall Street” and a decade since news of an upcoming Oliver Stone movie elicited anything above the level of an eye roll. A director who once captured and even created a zeitgeist is now pathetically chasing after it like a dollar bill tied to a string.

After the disastrous “Alexander,” both “World Trade Center” and “W.” were essentially television-level productions self-consciously obvious in their desperation to feel relevant. Arguably, “WTC” ended up being an above-average TV movie but “W.” was a complete embarrassment for everyone involved, especially those Leftist critics who carried its water one percentage below a fresh rating. And now comes a sequel nobody wanted with a truly terrible title: “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps,” which hits theatres April 23rd.

And as with all Shia LaBeouf movies, the first question that must be asked is: Shia LaBeouf?

Go back and watch the original “Wall Street.” It’s a terrific film with some great acting courtesy of Martin Sheen and Michael Douglas and a compelling story that immediately grabs you as you’re taken on a tour of how things work in the fascinating world of the stock market at the very top level. One of my favorite shots in all films is our first glimpse of Douglas’s Gordon Gekko through his office door just before it closes. Just like Charlie Sheen’s young Bud Fox, oh how we want to know what goes on in there. Great moviemaking.

I also have warm memories of the original “Wall Street.” The wife and I saw it in ’87 for the first time while vacationing in Los Angeles — I think at Universal City. It was our first vacation together. We lived in Milwaukee at the time and L.A. seemed so…so… Well, like the one-story ghetto it really is. Why did I move here? Anyway…

Judging by the trailer, this sequel looks and sounds tired — exhausted, in fact. Reportedly the plot surrounds Gekko’s attempt to rehabilitate himself (that’s no fun) and there might even be some kind of murder mystery involving the LaBeouf character’s mentor. None of the elements that made the original so re-watchable (Faustian bargaining, a 101 tutorial on how the market works) looks to be here. Most dispiriting are the attempts at fish-out-of-water comedy. Big 80’s phone jokes are so 90s.

As is always the case, once the lights dim my hope will spring eternal. However, should disappointment be the end result of the 64 year-old director’s last desperate gasp, there is always that unofficial “Wall Street” sequel/remake, “Boiler Room” … which doesn’t star Shia LaBeouf.

NOTE: This post openly violates the rule that only allows Leftist critics to speculate about upcoming films they haven’t seen.