'The Onion': Tragic News — Glenn Beck Not Dead

Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck

Wow. Going after Glenn Beck. What iconoclasts! How brave! How ballsy! How against the grain! How counter-culture!

If “The Onion” is so desperate to be liked by the establishment, why not just send certificates for free ice cream, or something?

The irony here is that Glenn Beck is everything the “Onion” thinks they are: funny, cutting edge, unafraid, and in the arena ready to mix it up.

Imagine the horror if someone were to grant the “Onion” a touch of self-awareness and they woke up one morning to the fact that since Obama’s election they’ve devolved into nothing more than just another toadie for The Man.

In other tragic news, Glenn Beck is seen daily by 3 million viewers.

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