The Guardian’s Hadley Freeman:

“I have always been interested in what I call actor-speak – and when I say “interested”, I mean “intrigued in the way you might be by a man talking to himself, without having any desire to go over and engage him in conversation”. However, while I continue to march past muttering men on park benches, I am, thanks to my job, an unwitting expert on actor-speak, having spent many hours of my life listening to actors bang on about their “love of the craft” and “the thing about [insert name of director] – he takes you on an emotional journey”.

“Some may call this argument prejudicial, but those who do have never spent a morning with Helen Hunt, listening to her expound on her skills. This has nothing to do with lack of respect for actors; just a lack of respect for the language they learn – perhaps at acting school – to describe what they do.

“The New Yorker event sounded promising: its panel of pleasing scene-stealers included John Turturro and Joan Cusack. But when – just 10 minutes in – panel member and actor Richard Kind (you’ll know him, look him up), said actors do theatre “to nourish themselves”, I knew I’d made a grave tactical error. The verb “nourish” should only be used in a culinary context, and even then with restraint.

“And, lo, they kept a-coming: there was “our craft” and “the journey one goes on”. To finish, actor Christine Baranski announced that “acting is like creating life”. Considering this comment came straight after the clip showing her in the sitcom Cybill, that seemed a pretty awesome claim. Shrieking onset at Cybill Shepherd v being God -I guess it’s six of one, half-dozen of the other. …

The day after I learned that being an actor was like being God, the God-like Sienna Miller was interviewed in the New York Times about her forthcoming Broadway role and, bless her, she seemed to have swallowed a dictionary of actor-speak on the flight from London: “I just try to put myself emotionally in a very dark place. After that, I trust a lot in the writing.” In other words, she pretends to be the character and then she recites the script.

Read the full piece here.