A LOVE LETTER (To Glenn Beck)

I think of you often.

I’m getting my fake fingernails put on and I’m thinking of you. I have a pitch meeting at Pie Town tomorrow and I chewed all my real fingernails off last night watching Anita Dunn express her admiration for Mao Tse Tung. Thank you for exposing yet another enemy of our freedom. You are so passionate and curious and smart and real. Sigh. I look at my Vietnamese manicurist and pedicurist and smile. I ask them their names. Katie. Kathy. Hmm. I glance around the nail salon. The decor is Greek columns with 1920’s lamps in between. There is a 1970’s Disco Bar in the middle of the room with a 1930’s Art Deco Chandelier in the center. There is a Faux Greek Mural and then Post Modern New Age Sterile Minimalist Lights sprinkled in between. It’s “Psychedelic International.” Just like the New America. I ask Katie and Kathy what their real names are. They look at me suspiciously. Hang and Gnoc. Okay.

The woman next to me is speaking Armenian into her cell phone. I can’t really discuss politics with Katie and Kathy, language barrier, so I glance at the TIME magazine next to my arm. Some liberal, Joe Klein is trying to tell the truth about ObamaCare, but not quite pulling it off. Then, he attacks my Rush and my Beck and my heart speeds up. My cheeks turn red. He writes, “…it is also possible that the Limbaugh and Glenn Beck – inspired poison will spread from right-wing nutters to moderates and independents…” Poison? Poison?

Truth… is Poison to the guilty. It stings.

Glenn Beck, I must confess I love the other Truth Tellers too; Breitbart, Giles, O’Keefe, Hannity, Ziegler, Rush, Rove, Crowley, Ingraham, Hewitt, Huckabee, Jindal, Miller, Palin, Prager, Pawlenty, Weaver, Gingrich, Keyes, and of course, Jesus, the Ultimate Truth. (John 14:6)

But I must especially thank you Glenn Beck for your blackboard. I love your blackboard! And your thorough research. Your facts. Your diagrams. Your teaching. Finally, someone is clearly explaining to us, the taxpayers, exactly what is happening inside that mysterious, gigantic, corrupt political system we have. We, the working middle class, have always been afraid of the machine, and I think the politicians/criminals wanted it that way. With their pompous, pious faces and sneaky hands, they have been stealing and lying. We were too busy raising children, working and going to church to have time to research them. Now, finally, one man has done it. Cracked the Code. Exposed the Fraud. Shone the Light on the Basement Rats! Now, the rats are all scurrying around, all nervous. They are calling The Man With The Flashlight names. Mean names. Squeak! Squeak!

Glenn Beck, thank you for answering my questions. One day I was wondering who those “czars” were who had slipped into the White House, under the radar…I flipped your show on, and you told me! It’s like you read my mind! One day I was wondering what real doctors think of ObamaCare, not the fake doctors Obama rigged for his photo shoot, but real ones. I popped on your show, and there you all were…debating, having a real discussion, like grown ups. Obama’s speeches are all fake and they say nothing. Cotton candy for stupid people. But, you Glenn Beck, you are a thinker. Like me. You are unbiased. Like me. You are simply seeking Truth, just like me.

If one day, Glenn Beck, you become embroiled in a scandal, and you turn out to be imperfect as all heroes put up on pedestals turn out to be, I will forgive you and forever be grateful for one thing…the elegant way you introduced the Green Jobs Czar, Mr. Van Jones to the public and then ushered him silently out the door. That was awesome! ( It also helps me prove the fact that Obama is a Communist. A Capitalist would not appoint a Communist as an advisor! ) It was as exciting as watching Giles/O’Keefe/Breitbart bring down the corrupt Acorn. This is great stuff! To you heroes, we thank you. We really, really, really love you. You’re cool. You’re brave. You’re smart. And, you tell the truth!

The truth has a beautiful ring to it. It pours smoothly through the ears and forms a golden, peaceful puddle in the heart. It reassures one that there is still a drop of good in the world. Truth is Beautiful.

I took my beautiful fake nails out to my car and drove to the car wash. Hard working, friendly Mexicans made it shiny. I don’t know if they were legal or illegal. I love everyone, but I think rules should be followed. Why can’t they be legal? Is it difficult? You’ll probably explain Amnesty to me tomorrow on TV, because you always know what I’m thinking. I did those minimum wage jobs for years, working my way up the Capitalist ladder. I did it with a happy heart looking forward to the day when I could have a great job! But, while Obama romances the racial minorities; defending Professor Gates, picking Sotomayor, having Latin dance parties, and hinting at Amnesty, don’t the minorities realize that if Obama continues to destroy Capitalism they will always be stuck on the bottom rung? There will be no Capitalist ladder.

Glenn Beck, I like your solution, “Replace the corrupt Congress.” Good plan. I’m studying the candidates right now. Jindal is good. Handstands for Huckabee. Palin for President.

Glenn Beck, thank you for 9/12. I went to the Westwood, CA 9/12. See my handmade poster, behind my handstand?

I went to the sign making place today. I designed a Glenn Beck bumper sticker because you don’t sell one on your website. Humility is sexy! It’s so rare these days.

If that new “Diversity Czar,” Mark Lloyd or his evil boss ever try to take away my Fox News, my Hannity, my Radio Shows, or my Glenn Beck, they are in big trouble, because I won’t let you go. I won’t let you go.

Love always,

Victoria Jackson xxoo

P.S. Joy Behar hates you, so you must be doing something right!