So the White House is ticked off at Fox News. So much so, they’re saying bad things about us behind our back. Last night, after work, I found a bag of soiled underpants in my locker, and for once, it didn’t belong to me. It was a novelty g-string, so I’m assuming it belongs to Gibbs.

So why is this happening? I’ll tell you, if you just calm down.

The White House is focusing on Fox News because there is no one else around to mess with. I mean, aside from Rush, and perhaps a reunited version of April Wine – they got nobody. The Republicans are hanging back, somewhere, waiting for their moment, which may never come. The Dems, however, have everything – the Houses, the President, the media, the international community of dimwitted Norwegians- but they can’t get their crap together.

So, whose fault is it? Fox News.

Yeah, we’re the ones preventing Obama from closing Gitmo. We’re the ones who can’t settle on a health care reform plan. We’re the ones who flew to some weird country no one cares about to grovel for the Olympics. We’re the ones dawdling on Afghanistan. We’re the ones who think wearing a burqa is a more important right for women, than freedom of speech.

Look, it’s flattering that the White House is obsessed with 1211 Sixth Avenue.

But Red Eye knows better.

What Obama doesn’t want is someone to debate – however, it’s something he desperately needs. Indirectly, that’s why the White House and the moonfaced media focus on Fox News and its fans. We aren’t elected officials, we’re just the only target in the room.

But seriously fellas, you gotta get over us. Enough with the crank calls and putting Ex-Lax in our Red Bull. America has real enemies out there: and they hate you as much as they hate us.

And if you disagree with me, then you’re probably a racist.

Tonight – an awesome lineup!

Greg Proops is in studio, along with the delightfully deranged Amy Schumer, and the mad genius Andrew Breitbart!