Daily Gut: The Al Sharpton History Minute

So sometimes, these Gregalogues write themselves.

I speak tonight of Al Sharpton, who just attacked Rush Limbaugh’s attempt to buy the St. Louis Rams (I believe it’s tetherball), sending a letter to commissioner Roger Goodell, saying the wildly popular conservative host has been “divisive.”

Divisive.

Now, I made a decision late in my odd career that any time Al Sharpton would enter the fray and make a charge like that, I would act as a one-man “Al Sharpton Historian.” My role: to give you background as to why there is no one on the planet less mentally or morally fit to make a statement about race (or anything, for that matter) than Al.

In a nutshell, he was largely responsible for the Tawana Brawley hoax. Now, if you were born in the 1980’s, you probably never heard about this 15-year-old black girl, but she went missing for four days back in 1987, eventually turning up covered in dog poop with racial slurs written all over her. She claimed she was repeatedly raped by up to six white men in the woods. One of them even had a badge. The then unknown and obese Al Sharpton saw an opportunity for quick fame (he was dead right on that one, by the by) and became an advisor to Brawley. Sharpton and his pals manipulated the event to horrific, freakish proportions, claiming Brawley had been raped 33 times by one prosecutor. Al also helped conjure up a conspiracy involving a creepy police cult that helped perpetrate the gang rape. But there was never any evidence, and the case fell apart. A grand jury called it all a hoax – and Sharpton was order to pay roughly 70 grand to the real victims. Others paid it for him.

So that concludes our “Al Sharpton History Minute.”

For the next “Al Sharpton History Minute,” wait patiently for a month or so – and whenever some kind of racial controversy arises, he’ll pop up like a blister, there to inflame but never heal.

At least he had good taste in track suits.

And if you disagree with me, then you’re probably a racist.

Tonight: Jim Norton, the lovely Anna David, Stephen Kruiser and Dr. Death himself, Michael Baden!