President Obama has made the rehabilitation of the reputation of our country one of his top priorities. He wants to be the Sally Field of the international politics and know that other nations like us! They really, really like us. To achieve that end he has apologized for just about every action of the Bush Administration and yet at the UN this past week several of the people the President has been trying to win over still seemed a bit distant. His new BFF Hugo Chavez did give him a nice “smells like hope” compliment, but several other still haven’t gotten the message.
President of all Iranians — both living and dead in the streets — Ahmadinejad still wants to build a few nukes even though Mr. Obama has told him not to. Colonel Qaddhafi, or Gaddahfi or Khaddafi, or Kaddafy or however you spell it, isn’t on board the love train either.
This has not deterred President Obama! Moving swiftly, he said he will name a new Apology Czar, rumored to be either Jimmy Carter or Maxine Waters and set a schedule for more apologies to settle all past wrongs of the United States.
The President is planning a public World Apology Tour for the interventions, imperialism and mistakes the United States has made in the past. The President believes that only then will everyone hold hands with us and join in a rousing chorus of “Kumbaya.”
The Tour Schedule
November 1st – The President will travel to Berlin, Germany to make amends to the German people for our interference in domestic European politics during the First and Second World Wars. Our nation building efforts were unwarranted and resulted in unforeseen liberty and economic development. The President will recommend the return of Poland and France to German control in reparation.
November 4th – The President will stop in Pyongyang, North Korea to offer our apologies to Kim Jong-il for getting involved in what was basically a civil war. The unintended consequence of this action left half of the Korean people living a comfortable and successful lifestyle while their country stole untold millions of car sales from the Japanese.
November 5th – In Tokyo the President will announce the return of the Philippines and Hawaii to the Japanese for our unwanted interference in Asian-Pacific affairs in the 1940s.
November 11th – Set to coincide with Veteran’s Day celebrations, the President will travel to Appomattox, Virginia to apologize to the former Southern states for the Civil War. He will apologize to the South for imposing the morality of the North and imposing their Judeo-Christian view of slavery on Southern plantation owners.
TBA – Trip to France for apology for taking advantage of them during the Louisiana Purchase. Date for apology to the British for the American Revolution…