Now if you’re like me, you know children are evil. They’re thieving, selfish creatures whose primary agenda includes spreading germs and smearing mucous on your belongings. So naturally you’d think I`d be in favor of President Obama`s plan for longer school days and shorter summer vacations. After all, that means less brats on the streets, defacing my tree fort made from discarded copies of Oui.
But on the contrary – I think Obama is off base, for three reasons:
First: When it comes to education, more doesn’t mean better. When something blows – ordering more of it doesn`t solve the problem. Fact is, we don`t need more school, we need better schools. Sadly, teachers unions have created a lock on jobs for even the most moronically incompetent – and the only way for a teacher to lose a job these days is if she gives one to a student. Worse – for a lot of kids, sending them back for three more hours of daily schooling in places like Chicago or Baltimore is like an academic version of stop-loss. They learn more about running for their lives than reading for enjoyment.
Second, Obama`s reasoning doesn’t have anything to do with us needing to become more competitive. We`ve already learned during his U.N. speech that Obama finds the notion of winning and losing distasteful. No, this idea of “more class” comes from his own opinions about America – convinced by his pals that compared to a far more sophisticated Europe, we`re all just hicks from the sticks who think Belgium is only a name for one of those fruity, overpriced beers. Which – as you know – is, completely correct.
Finally, I can’t help but think that President Obama wants kids to stay in school longer so they can learn more cool songs to sing. You know, about Obama.
And if you disagree with me, you`re probably a racist.