I watched Whitney Houston’s interview on Oprah and I did not have to wait until it was over to feel great sadness. Whitney burst out in to the scene with her first album when she was 22 years old, with a powerful singing voice like no other — intense, energetic and the ability to hit a gamut of notes. Unlike Michael Jackson, she was not thrust on to the stage by an overbearing father or competing for the spotlight with her siblings. She was raised a Baptist and had a very deep spirituality that she always mentioned whether she was receiving a Grammy or in a magazine interview. So how did this woman who was esthetically flawless and had it all, wind up sitting on the couch smoking marijuana laced with cocaine for days on end.

I believe it was a few reasons. Firstly, she married the wrong man, Bobby Brown, we all knew that–yes, all of us who did not know her personally knew that he was trouble. He spoke like trouble, he acted like trouble and he got in trouble. They started their marriage with him already having three kids from two different women he wasn’t married to and had been known for his outrageous behavior. She stated that she took her vows very seriously, she truly loved him and he allowed her to bring out her fun and crazy side. I do believe she took her vows very seriously and truly loved him, this woman could have had any man on the planet, but the fun and crazy side I’m a little unclear on, bringing up my second point.

Whitney sang like no other woman of her time, she acted in movies, wore beautiful gowns and traveled all over the world–her life was fun and crazy. Life isn’t fun and crazy for the nurse making $12 per hour cleaning bedpans. I have a hard time reconciling such a privileged lifestyle with the feeling of suppression. Artists express themselves, that’s what they do and on the Whitney level, the world is your oyster. However, for Whitney, like Michael, it seems as if what they set out to do as artists becomes a detriment to their life as a whole. She made a very poignant statement in the interview when she said “I had the money, the fame, been all over and I was done.” I felt the rest of that sentenced should have been “It doesn’t buy you self-worth.”

Later on as Oprah was pushing for details of her marriage, she finally described a time when she had given him a birthday party and when they got home that evening he spit in her face. She even repeated it a few times almost, as if trying to keep telling herself it happened. Whether you are a fan of hers or not, hearing that disgusting behavior would have resonated. Whitney and Bobby have a daughter, Bobbi Kristina, and of course, she spoke about the effect it had on her daughter. She knew this was not the environment for any child but she couldn’t take care of herself, so clearly her daughter would suffer too.

She stayed with Bobby for 15 years and with the help of her Mother, her mentor Clive Davis and lots of rehab and prayer, she cleaned herself up. I think some of us, especially women, where disappointed with Whitney because she went from being such a lady to, dare I say, trash, although when you saw this erratic behavior, you could see there was something causing it all.

Unfortunately, even though she is healthier now, when she spoke there were times when her enunciation was slightly different, I could not help but think how much irreparable damage had been done from the alcohol and drug abuse. She looked beautiful but tired. Her daughter spoke as well and seemed wise beyond her years. It appeared that there were probably times she had to play the mother and Whitney was the daughter.

I am rooting for you Whitney, I hope you find a wonderful man that respects you, I hope that you only make music if you get joy out of entertaining others and I hope you find the peace in yourself, which is really when you have it all.