Stand Up Notes from Flyover Country: How Did Russell Brand Get a Green Card?

I am sure that Congress has a lot more important things to do right now but when we get around to looking at immigration can we get an investigation into how an alleged comic named Russell Brand got a green card.

I’m no expert on immigration law but I think in order to come here to work you have to demonstrate you have some special skills or talent that no American has. This rule prevents big multi-national companies from bringing in a bunch of cheap unskilled labor to take American jobs. For example, let’s say you are a bricklayer and you live in Poland. You may be a good bricklayer but if you want to come to the United States to live you need to go through a long process and show you have some skill that no American bricklayer possesses — unless you are a person who can sneak across the southern border, in which case you are welcome to come and take an American’s job and pick up some free health care and education. That’s another issue and I have been ADD-ing pretty badly recently so I need to get back to the topic at hand:

In Russell Brand’s case we must have run short of mildly retarded, under-educated, talentless, drug addled twits. I know a number of guys living under bridges who could live for a year on Russell’s VMA salary who are funnier and much more entertaining. My current favorite being a panhandler whose sign reads. “I’m just like Obama, I just want change.”

I don’t want anyone to think I am crying sour grapes because I don’t think the MTV Video Music Awards is looking for a 57 year old little known comedian to host their gig. I am just a comic who cares about the state of my art. Having said that, who is it that thinks Russell Brand is anywhere near remotely funny? If you do, can you please tell me what skill or talent he possesses that no American has?

By the way, who was ruder, Kanye West or Joe Wilson? Who will have to apologize more?