Ladies of the ACORN Video I Will Hire You

I just found out that the two women featured on the undercover ACORN video posted on our sister site Big Government were fired by the community organizing group. This is really good news. First, it proves that the ridiculously funny and unbelievable video is real. At first glance, it’s so over-the-top that one assumes it must be fake. Now, we have the proof that these women really were ACORN employees and not the most talented improv actors to ever live. Secondly, it means that these two women are now unemployed.

And I want to hire them immediately.

These women can navigate the tax code so well that they managed to gin up dependent child tax credits for underage El Salvadorian prostitutes. They provided detailed instructions on how to obtain a low interest, government subsidized mortgage for a brothel. They gave clever insight into laundering a pimp’s take of prostitute earnings into a campaign account for a would be Democratic politician.

I look at them, as an independent film producer, and think; “must hire.”

With these two on my side, imagine what I could accomplish. My tax credit revenue would triple. My financing schemes would abandon foreign pre-sales and network television deals and embrace government grants and subsidies. Bureaucratic and confusing union paperwork would dissolve in their capable hands. At the end of the first show, SAG and IATSE would owe me money.

Ladies, whatever ACORN was paying, I’ll double it! And I’ll give you gross points.

Joking aside (and ask yourself, is he really joking?), this little video tells us a lot. It’s not simply that ACORN is a corrupt and shady organization … we already knew that. That’s no more a revelation than the fact that Lindsay Lohan has some issues with the drinky. No, it shows us that the default mode of human nature is capitalism. There is no way around it.

These women were supposedly working to benefit their community. A noble and selfless pursuit. What they were really adept at is gaming the system. Just like an independent, scrappy filmmaker.

At the root of Communism and Socialism is the undeniable truth that there is always someone at the top. Capitalism rewards ingenuity, smarts, and hard work. Socialism rewards cronyism, manipulation, and collective thought. If the politicians in Washington really believed that we should all “pitch in” as their policies dictate, why wouldn’t those millionaires donate their federal salaries to charity? If they were really true believers they would live like monks, sleeping in their office and shopping at Goodwill. Instead, they’re eating Kobe steaks and buying fracking jets! Get real.

I’ve always been baffled by the fact that people who rabidly embrace Darwinism over Christian Doctrine don’t see Natural Selection at work in the political, economic, and social realms. That seems backwards to me. Shouldn’t the followers of Jesus, not Darwin, be the ones who push for all of us to be “our brother’s keepers?” I can understand how a Christians can interpret their beliefs to gel with Ben Franklin’s “God helps those who help themselves,” but I can’t for the life of me figure out how “people of science and reason” have adopted the belief system that they have.

Communism and Socialism fly in the face of natural law.

All that I can conclude is that the Socialists and Communists have selected their ideology as a means to consolidate power and money. They are averse to hard work and true entrepreneurialism and have found a shortcut to wealth and control.

Communism is Capitalism for schemers. ACORN is no different than AIG.

As a side note, I would like to further commend the two women in the video. We “typical white folks” get a sort of racist vibe from the whole ACORN thing, so I applaud those two African-American women for their treatment of the Caucasian pimp and his ho. I can only hope that white ACORN workers show the same respect for all the black hustlers and trick-turners who seek their assistance.

So ladies, consider me impressed. From one Capitalist to another, ready to work the system to our benefit, please consider my offer. We kindred spirits need to stick together.