Daily Gut: I Blame the Jews

So on some recent radio show hosted by the Rev. Al Sharpton, a male caller phoned in with a theory about Michael Jackson’s death. Turns out he didn’t kill himself using a panoply of pharmaceuticals. It was all Sarah Palin’s doing.

Yep, according to the caller, “maybe she did something to Michael Jackson,” and “maybe she’s stepping down because something’s about to come out.”

Now, crazy people calling into radio shows isn’t anything special – I used to call Loveline ten to twenty times a night just to complain about the pixies living in my urinary tract. However, what’s hilarious, is Sharpton’s thoughtful response to the caller’s intriguing theory. He says, “All right, thank you for your call, Ashley. That’s interesting. I’ll put it out, we’ll see. I don’t know.”

“I’ll put it out. We’ll see. I don’t know.”

Nice.

Now, I said it’s hilarious, but it’s not surprising, for Sharpton has never met a conspiracy he didn’t embrace, and possibly grope. After all, he was the man who helped push the Tawana Brawley hoax – a fabricated tale of rape and feces perpetrated by a 15-year-old girl – used to racially bludgeon six white, innocent men.

But that was years ago, so who cares – right?

Any poopers – I love conspiracies because they are as inevitable as death. When an event occurs that can be easily explained (like, say, a reclusive pop star overdoses on pills), the demented emerge from the woodwork like lurid worms with complex explanations that defy logic and Pampers. Look at the Truthers, limping along under an impervious dome of self-inflicted idiocy, convinced that only they know the truth – when all they know really are twin beds, canned food purchased from the dented bin, and reusing their underwear on alternate days. You gotta love ’em, for they’re pure comedy.

My last point: why is it that people who cling to conspiracies never put that much effort into the things that might benefit their actual lives? Like their schoolwork? Their jobs? Their hygiene?

I blame the Jews. Only they could create a complex framework that keeps so many destructive minds busy contemplating nothing.

TONIGHT‘S GUESTS ARE:

the wonderful Greg Proops

the delightful Remi Spencer

the intriguing Rick Folbaum!

the shocking Harold Ambler!

and PINCH AND ME, episode 2!

(Thank you Newsbusters for the tip on this story!)