We Need More Diversity!

The “Deity-in-Chief” went to Cairo last week to address the Muslim world. Others have pointed out that Egypt is an odd place for such an address: Saudi Arabia is home to the holiest places in Islam and Indonesia is the home of the world’s largest Muslim population. If this is correct, this would be like going to London to make a pandering speech to Catholics to address the actions of the I.R.A. I’ll give you a break to have another sip of coffee and sort that one out in your head.

Ok, you’re back. This whole “outreach” got me thinking. It’s actually a good idea. To tailor policy around making sure people don’t feel alienated and left out. To change the national agenda in order to protect the sensitivities of people, even if those sensitivities go against what is traditional and accepted thought in our country. Can I get an “Amen” from the Hippies? This is what it’s all about, right?

Let me introduce you to another group…another alien culture that I think needs to get a little “outreach” from the government…especially the elites in D.C. Hollywood, Europe and the academic world could also do a little better when it comes to making these people feel special. We need more diversity! More diversity!

Their culture may seem a little strange. Some may consider it “backwards” but follow me…

These people attend their houses of worship regularly. There are many different sects, but they are all similar. The level of devotion varies from individual to individual. Some are very strict, viewing their holy book as the direct word of God. Others view it as more of a spiritual relationship. Some see it as a social thing, attending services only on the highest of holy days.

Their families are close and tight knit. They don’t like “outsiders” interfering with the education of their children. They are also none to pleased about the influence of perverse Hollywood “entertainment” on their little ones. They are frugal and view the taking of their money and property very, very seriously. It is an “insult” to tax them or take money from them without good reason. This tradition goes back centuries for them. Many of their tribal “elders” fought and died over this very issue.

They value education, but don’t think a degree is the only measure of a man or woman. They value hard, tedious work. Many of them take pride in their jobs on farms, in factories, and in offices. This is a tradition and a set of values passed down from generation to generation.

They are particular to foods that many consider “bad” or unhealthy. Red meat, fast food, fried food. They actually eat all of them…sometimes at the same time. They even have a rich history of actually killing the food themselves instead of buying it at Whole Foods!

They like guns. They like big, mean, nasty V-8 engines. They like trucks and SUVs. They like motorcycles. They like state fairs where you can buy roasted corn on the cobb and ride on a rinky dink Ferris wheel. They like outdoor sports. They even have sports that really aren’t sports, like Monster Truck Shows.

To celebrate happy occasions they often times drink alcohol. Sometimes they drink alcohol when they are depressed. One of their favorites is beer. They actually make beer in this country and these people drink it…in cans! They drink in bars but they call them “taps” and “taverns.”

Some of them enjoy an ancient tradition of burning bits of tobacco and inhaling the fumes. Some chew this tobacco.

They listen to country music and what is called “butt rock.” If you want to see one smile just put a dollar in the honky tonk jukebox and pick a song by ZZ Top. Then watch them sing by following it up with a track from Tim McGraw.

They live all over the country. Milwaukee, Dallas, Omaha, Bakersfield. Every city has them.

Proudly, I am one of them.

Some call us “white trash.” Others use the term “redneck.” I have a better one. One that is politically correct. It’s the one we choose to call ourselves…Americans. In fact, I would like to officially declare that it is offensive, unacceptable, cause for firing, and “racist” for any person who is not part of the aforementioned group to ever use the term “redneck” or “white trash.” We of course are free to call each other whatever we want.

So how about it D.C.? Hollywood? Europe? Can we show these people a little more respect? What about diversity? Can we think about how our words and new laws and taxes may insult them? Can Obama come to Biloxi and address the “Redneck” nation? Can he explain himself on our terms?

Wait, come to think of it, he’ll probably make the speech somewhere in Connecticut. Oh, well, I gave up on that dude a long time ago…