So You Want to Be Tortured?

This “torture stuff” is complete and utter nonsense. Everyone, take a look at the Al-Qaeda torture handbook, you can read it here. Now, ask yourself why every pundit, Berkeley student, news reporter, and radio DJ is willing to be “waterboarded” and not willing to be subjected to any of the torture techniques listed by our good friends at Al-Qaeda? To determine what is torture, in a non-legal sense but in an emotional sense, isn’t the only scientific way to test it against something that we KNOW and all agree is torture.

So, for those of you willing to be “tortured” by a training procedure used on our own Navy SEALs, allow me to personally invite you to my soundstages in Louisiana for a little scientific experiment. First, waterboarding. Next up, you can pick any of the torture methods from the Al-Qaeda book you like.

May I recommend “Eye Removal” or “Blowtorch to the Skin”? Those are two of my favorites.

After that, you can look at the camera and tell America that waterboarding is torture and that Dick Cheney is evil for using it to save YOUR life. Deal?