What does it mean to be an Army Spouse during the War on Terror? In this edition of Profiles in Courage, we will take a look at one such Army Spouse story, that of Kim McNaughton, wife of Mike McNaughton.
You have no doubt heard about the story of Mike McNaughton but how much thought have you put into what it must be like to be Mrs. Mike McNaughton? What she must have gone through when he deployed? When she heard the news of her husband’s incident, how did effect her family? How did her life change?
Having not seen Mike since he deployed 7 months before, she knew that her life was about to change forever
The most emotional experience in her life was the first time she saw Mike when he arrived to Walter Reed. With no idea of what to expect and how she would react when she saw him. Would her reaction make it harder for Mike? She knew she needed to be strong for him and the kids. How was she going to deal with it all? How would it affect the kids?
The following is a firsthand account of Kim’s dealing with her wounded warrior.
“When Mike got hurt, Tristan was 5 and Makayla was 1. Makayla didn’t really understand it and she’s grown up with it, so it’s nothing different for her. Tristan just wanted to make sure he could still play sports with him and when he found out he could, he was fine with it. Jordan was born after, so to him, it’s an everyday thing. To our kids, it’s normal.”
“During the rehab process, I stayed at Walter Reed from Jan. to Apr. and he continued rehab once we got home. Some days it was hard. To have to watch him struggle just to do simple tasks was not easy. The days he didn’t want to do it, I couldn’t always make him, even though I know that’s what he needed. It was one of the things that he had to learn to do on his own and I couldn’t do it for him. I couldn’t fix it.”
The strain on their marriage was another factor. It was hard on Kim being at the hospital. Kim away from the kids and she had to make sure everything was taken care of at home. While Kim was on her own for Mike’s deployment of over 7 months, once he came back it wasn’t that he could just pick up where he left off or that she could give him some of the responsibilities. She still had to do everything plus some. He wanted to do more, but couldn’t and it was hard for them.
“Getting used to all the media and attention that he was getting, made it hard to get our relationship back. On top of all of that was the financial stress. Even after 6 years, there is always stress.”
“There was no time for ‘us’, but we knew that eventually that would be, so we just dealt with it day by day. The financial stress, even today, takes a toll.”
For the McNaughton family, life has changed. They realize how short life can be and what you’re thinking your life will be like in a few years may not happen. Their whole lives changed in an instant and we try to take advantage of every opportunity they are given. “We never thought we would be were we are today, but are grateful for the chances we’ve been given.”
One of those chances was Mike getting to go to the White House to run with President Bush. The incident had other unintended consequences. Getting used to the attention.
People now recognize Mike, they want him to do this or do that. While it takes away from family time, Kim knows it’s important to him and it’s a wonderful thing that people admire him so much that they want him to help.
“It just really takes a lot of getting used to and you really have to be understanding.”
“How do you cope, where do you turn for help.” The military has been very supportive. They have gotten help individually and together, both financially and mentally.
“There’s a lot of things that we both deal with that the other one doesn’t understand, even though we try. I think it’s good for each of us to get our own help. It makes the relationship better.”
Part of that support comes from outside the military. The Ride 2 Recovery has helped give them a chance to spend time together and reconnect. It gives Mike a chance to be active and be with other wounded soldiers to help them out and it gives Kim the chance to support him and also to support the wounded soldiers. They know what a lot of these families are going through and want to help in any way they can. R2R is a great way to deal with the rehabilitation process.
On the recent Texas Challenge, Kim was able to speak with a few of the other wounded warriors wives and talk with them about the whole process including paperwork, house changes and how to deal with the mood of their wounded warriors.
Kim’s advice to other spouses is never be ashamed to ask for help. No one will think any less of you.
“People don’t always remember that it affects the spouses too, but your life is impacted by an injury just as much as the person injured. There’s always going to be issues and problems that come up, no matter if you’re early in the process or several years after, just remember that you’re in this together and it does get better.”
More Info: TheRide2Recovery.com