Now it’s the swine flu. People are running in the streets, scared, screaming, in total panic. Oh, no, wait – sorry, that was downtown New York City the other day when the President’s Air Force One 747 buzzed Manhattan and set off a wave of urban terror amongst city-dwellers; who well remember the true calamity of that September morning seven-and-a-half years ago. But it was a beautiful day for a $328 thousand dollar photo-op for the President’s website. So New Yorkers should understand and be tolerant; even though the citizens on the ground weren’t alerted in advance of the stunt, not even Mayor Bloomberg.

Hey, stuff happens. Yes we can.

No, it’s the Swine Flu which is the new crisis-in-the-making and it’s quickly becoming the Crisis du Jour. Texas Governor Rick Perry declared ‘a Disaster’ in his state after a two-yr-old boy tragically died after returning from Mexico. Seems a bit of an overreaction, but maybe not. It’s shaping up to be a pandemic of epic proportions, for as of this writing, ninety-one cases of Swine Flu have already been diagnosed in this country. Ninety-one. At this rate, in a week, there may be, literally, several hundred outbreaks reported.

In a nation of 300 million.

To answer this new ‘crisis’, the CDC announced it is ‘standing ready to act’. They are ready to prepare new inoculation serums to combat the disease. And it will only take fourteen weeks to have the vaccines ready for distribution.

Fourteen weeks. Uh…say again? Three-and-a-half months?

Well, that’s a relief.

Okay. So I’ve got my surgical mask and Nyquil on standby. And since I’m an irascibly cynical curmudgeon shut-in, I’ll have no problem duct-taping my doors and windows and refusing to see daylight for three months. (“Just slide the pizza in under the door, dude!”) But I am morbidly curious to see how this will all shake out. And I’m wondering also if this will end up being like The Great Bird Flu Crisis of 2006. Remember that one? You don’t? Well, neither do I really, such a non-event it was. But the government stirred up such a panic, people were running around with surgical masks, weeping in the streets, flipping their birds and choking their chickens. All right, maybe they weren’t weeping in the streets… but they were doing all the rest. (I had pictures, but Breitbart stole them.)

But it was a crisis, and surely deserved the billions spent combating it. Didn’t it?

Now, in the midst of the current Economic Crisis…which is happening in the midst of the current Climate Change Crisis (hey, what happened to ‘Global Warming’? Did focus poll results teach them that people had developed Global Warming fatigue? Weenies.) …we have the Swine Flu Crisis. An impending pandemic in our midst. We must act/spend and we must act/spend now! Before it’s too late! (And you wake up and realize they’ve act/spent all your money.)

On a side note, I think it’s fairly remarkable that it took a bunch of sick pigs for anyone to seriously consider actually sealing our southern borders.

I’m just sayin’…

Another point of curiosity to me: I’m wondering how, in the religious culture that reviles anything to do with pork, this swine flu will impact the Muslim community, both here and abroad. Will a new fatwa be issued? Will Farmer John and Oscar Mayer be slated for jihad? (And while I’m toying with the ridiculous… Anyone know if the movie, “BABE” was banned in the Middle East?)

Just sayin’…

Any fan of history will remember that all instances of massive subjugation of a people had a strikingly consistent precursor: the Crisis. In the name of crisis, huge movements of central government control and power are instituted. The frightened and panicked masses willingly give up autonomy and individual freedom so that their leader will solve the crisis and keep them safe and secure.

The government, thinking that the masses are too stupid and uninformed to possibly understand how to care for themselves, wields that mighty power; backed by the military force, to set new laws, restrictions, and controls in place. Huge amounts of tax money are spent immediately, just to get everyone in up to their necks, committed to battling the new crisis. Troops are organized and mobilized to get the military into play, for the security of the communities, dontcha know. Civilian volunteer groups are organized and set into motion and empowered in this new crusade to save The People. (And by the way – ‘The People’ shakes down to meaning this: Everyone But You.) The accommodating, and state-controlled Media (You think ‘can’t happen here’? Just wait for the next ‘communication crisis’.) tout this move as ‘unprecedented but necessary’…and ‘heroic acts of self-sacrifice’…and the ‘noble fight for the people’…etc, etc, etc.

All that is required is a fawning adoration for a charismatic leader…a blind and naive willingness to be ‘taken care of’…and the popular or even tacit agreement that there is a Crisis of unprecedented magnitude that requires the government making big Changes.

Change we can believe in.

(Ryan Seacrest) – “Hello! And welcome to, NAME THAT WEEKLY CRISIS! On our show, each contestant hears the SSD (Societal Symptoms of Disaster) of the week, and when one of them hits the buzzer, they must…NAME THAT CRISIS! If they guess correctly they win hundreds of billions of taxpayers’ dollars and chance at the Lightning Round: The Run For Congress!!”

Raucous studio applause.

“If at the end of the Congressional Run, you can drive the Media Assistance Bus through the Focus-Group Polling Maze… your total score may enable you to scale Popularity Mountain where, if you climb the National Panic Meter and can come up with the Mystery Crisis To Break The Bank…you can possibly win the grand prize, GRAND EXALTED EMPEROR OF THE UNIVERSE! Plus an appearance on American Idol.”

Thunderous studio applause! …and…go to commercial.

Oh sure… You may be laughing now…but you won’t be laughing when Prez-O is up on that stage dancin’ and shakin’ it with Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson.

Now that’s a crisis.

It’s funny how the Left are shattered to mind-numbing stupor and trepidation over the economy, global warming, and the swine flu…but seem to be fairly complacent, if not irresponsibly myopic with regards to hundreds of millions of Islamofascist terrorists who openly denounce the United States as Satan, and commit daily to our destruction.

Ah, forget that noise — I’m gonna go get my swine flu shot.

In about three-and-a-half months.